WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

I have to dance around the child support hearing coming up but I need to change what I'm doing to create a severe emotional event for her.

This makes twice you have referred to causing an emotional event for her. What are you talking about?

BTW, why did you bring up the subject of the child support when she was by your house and you were in the kitchen talking?

Sandi - what I mean by emotional event is something that will shake her up. Right now I feel she is just getting more comfortable with what is going on so I need to do something that will make her uncomfortable. I feel that when I was Dark/Dim and she had called when I was out with friends, it had made her uncomfortable to the point where I got the "have you given up?" phone call about 2 weeks after she moved out. This is when I slipped back into the nice guy mode and she felt back in control. So I need to get her back to a certain level of uncomfortableness.

I brought up the child support discussion on Sun as she was suppose to talk to her lawyer earlier that week so we can avoid spending a day in court (as well as paying $5K in legal fees for the day). So I wanted to know what was going on with that.

I'm still trying to get my head around what the shift from my current approach will look like. I don't want it to be the cold jerk (I don't think that's what your suggesting) but more of the "integrated man". I'll post more on that later to get some feedback

I had a good session with my therapist today about forgiving myself. We also talked about how I still lacked boundaries (part of my issue where being a nice guy is easier). She agreed with what you offered as well. In fact she asks me what you and others posted on this forum (funny as I want to start charging her for sharing that).

Thanks again for the continued support. I see I've been so afraid of making mistakes that I've been making even more mistakes.