Don't Let Them Eat Cake

[In Limbo]

Concerned,

My IC says that the LBS must be willing to lose the M, so that he/she will act fearless enough, so that essential changes can occur in the R. Easier said than done, but true I'm afraid.

I think the journey of the LBS is a journey of cultivating courage, and letting go of codependent ways. I'm still on the path. I haven't reached the mountain top yet.

You hit the nail on the head with these two things.

1) I've got to become fearless enough to lose the M.
2) In order to do that, I have to let go of my codependent ways.

What are my fears? I'm still soul searching on this one. I'm fortunate to have a well paying career, so I can be financially independent and pretty much take care of everything anyway, so the fear isn't really about being single or even alone. I think the fears are more about losing all I've ever known as the love of my life (H and I met at 16 and have been together since) and also about the control I allow H to have over my feelings (ultimate co-dependent, I know). I'm growing and working on the co-dependency, but it's a hard habit to break. With H still in the house and still much of the time acting "as if" we're still a family (doing things together, vacationing, ML, etc.) I slip right back into the codependency. I know with MLC he's not going to act rationally, so the obvious answer is that I have to set boundaries to protect myself and help myself to drop the rope and move on. Lately I had been thinking that would be easier once he left, but now he's decided he's not going to leave. On one level I guess that's good news, but on the other it makes things more difficult. I'm sure you can relate.

Funny you mention dancing as recently H took that up and I really took it hard because he excludes me from it (even before bomb). It just seems to me that if you're taking lessons to do something that is a partner thing (partner of the opposite sex), it's a real slap in the face for the spouse not just to be excluded. Am I being too sensitive about that?

Take care!