I really really had a fantastic time this week end with the kids. Simple stuff-exploring the countryside, taking them body boarding, basically doing stuff I`d been promising myself and the kids for such a long time. Boy, it was great!
I don`t know how much of that he knows. Doesn`t seem to have asked the kids anything else since about our time away. But I got a great buzz out of it which probably made it difficult for me to come back to the reality of things here.
I hate for my home to be invaded by this darkness! So I`m going to focus on fun projects for the house too! Lots of new recipes being tried out this summer. And I`m going to redecorate as much as I can too.(Thankfully, I can paint!)
Tonight he asked if I was going to a dinner next Saturday to which we had been invited by another couple. I love those nights but H definitely won`t go. I didn`t give him a straight answer;I don`t know what to do. I`ve gone out without him lately but don`t know if I should keep doing that as it really could alert others to us having problems.
Anyway, he saw me having lots of fun this evening. I bbqed for me and the kids, worked around the garden and then lay back and read for a while. He still got up to turn off the water heater! LOL! So childish. And I`ve ignored that.
And I`ve xanax on standby if the going still gets tough. I`m really interested in the theory that we attract negative energy to ourselves subconsciously. Could be baloney but I`ll try ANYTHING to get me out of this hole.
So last night saw me burning the old me-"Fallgirl the frightened one"Fallgirl the B" Fallgirl the provoking one". Each of those I`d written on notes and burned in a fire of sticks in the light of the full moon. I think its a shamanic type ritual.
See? I`m getting really desperate! But if it helps a little bit I`m all for it!
I might even start believing in snowballs from Tucson...
