GETTING UN'STUCK'

[sandi2]

But, didn't you say she is still seeing the OM? If so, this will be sooo much harder. Until the OM moves on to someone else or treats her bad, etc., she will still have those "feelings" popping up. Even if she is passed him, per se, she will be seeing this old OM every day and thinking about those feelings she had and start thinking someone ELSE is out there.

I agree. Even though I did not have a PA, I know from my own EA that I could not truly let it go until I finally faced some facts about OM. I tried going without contact, etc., but when I got angry at him, that made it easier to let go of the EA b/c of my pride. The second thing---was knowing in my heart right from wrong and having to make an active choice about it. The other part was tough.......the grieving and going "cold turkey". Even though I knew he probably was telling me a bunch of stuff just to get in my pants......I still missed our times together after I stopped all contact. As one of the girls said, when I was at work, on the cell phone, etc., we had fun and as sick as it sounds, I missed that when it ended. I was bored, felt empty and sad.

One time, he was going off for a weekend and could not contact me until he got back that Sunday night. I acted as if I was at a funeral all weekend! Just like they said.....when I was in a good mood....it was b/c I had had a good ego fixer. If I was down in the dumps it was b/c I had not been in touch with OM for over 24 hours. This is hard for any husband to hear, but better to have the knowledge than not.

WDID, was talking about how women could go from one partner to the next, and that was how that book I read described it. It said that she would go from man to man until all her natural feelings would not be satisfied and would be like a downward spiral and would hit rock bottom. She would never find complete happiness or satisfaction due to her messed up sexual emotions with different men. I have heard it taught that God man woman where when she made love to a man, that part of her soul was involved in that connection. With a man, it is more of a physical act instead of a "soulish" act. That is why women say that they need the sex for the "connection" or intimacy. That is why a woman gets so messed up when she has had many sexual partners. If I have already told you this, I apologize. When I read what the girls said about the OM and A's, I was nodding my head in agreement. It is so hard for men to understand how women feel when they are normal, much less when they are in a crises.

I want to say amen to the fact that a LBH does not need to do anything that hints at him feeling sorry for himself. My H would come in from work and sit on the couch with this hound-dog expression on his face and it mad me furious. I almost hated the sight of him. His "pitiful" actions just disgusted me! So, see how terrible it works on WAW's? It works the opposite direction than what one would think! GAL is the best way to show your W just what she is missing by not spending her time with a man like you! That is much more attractive than a man sitting on the couch feeling sorry for himself. At first, she may not seem to notice what you are doing b/c she is so caught up in her own misery. In time, she will see.

I love my H and feel very blessed that he waited out the terrible time that it took to get through my crises. If he had had the information that you men here on the board has......it would have been so much better. I know it is heartbreaking for you, but I want you to realize that there is hope. I am a living example of that! Don't give up.

Sandi