Yes it sucks. But the things is, if he SAYS "it's over" what does it really change? It lessens the chances of a recon but it does not eliminate them. It probably will free you up some to move forward more. But who knows the future? Could he possibly say, "Hey I'm marrying OW"? Yes he could and that will hurt a great deal. I'd have to make him say it in person if it were me, BUT I'm not you.
Say very little too. I mean sometimes a "look" can say it all without making you "wrong to say it" b/c you didn't say "it"...kwim?
Don't say something you'll regret. You can say if it IS worst case scenario, WHILE CALM, "I'm sorry you are making this choice. I'd do things differently if I could do them over, but I can honestly say I've loved you more deeply than you'll ever know, and that's a lot to lose. But I Hope you find what you're looking for..."
and leave it at that. Do attend to details about contact with the kids for they feel very hurt and it IS a rejection of them due NOT to his choice of OW so much as HIS absence!! You could be the worst woman in the world but what excuse does he have for dropping off the face of the earth from THEM? Be calm about it and say you won't stand in the way of their R and you encourage it, hope for it, and frankly, he should step up to the plate on that front. He knew you had kids when he married you and said he'd be their dad/stepdad so what's up with that? (BE CALM!! Encouraging the R's, not demanding....a fine line indeed...)
Now, when it comes to money and property, you let the L"s handle that as much as possible. It's not going to be pretty. So let them do the ugly stuff so you are not associated with it. IF by chance you have one of those great situations in which you both agree on all things, FINE get it in writing and skip the L' s EXCEPT TO HAVE ONE LOOK AT ANYTHING BEFORE YOU SIGN IT...EVEN IF YOU PAY FOR 2 HOURS OF THEIR TIME, YOU'RE CRAZY NOT TO...
And let HIM tell the kids something for God's sake. Finally he wants to speak in person! Okay, LISTEN. Let him talk. Don't let him the M revise too much but validate (else you'll confirm those negative justifications), you want him to see a woman SO dignified and confident and understanding WHILE hurting, that he's gotta wonder if he's making the right choice....like our s23 said, when he broke up with his gf recently and she cried but said, "No hard feelings you are such a great guy, I love you, wish you the best, etc" and HE CRIED and asked me if I thought he'd done the right thing. It got to him. FWIW. Of course I have a nice son and he's only 23 (today!)
You can say you "don't recall things that way" and you are "sorry he does" if he revises a lot negatively, but don't argue. And again, I'm just saying this stuff IF it is the worst thing that he tells you. It might not be.
He could ask if there's a chance for a recon....but be ready for the worst okay? The Jared thing and all the rest....be ready. Be strong as you know you are.
HUGS HUGS HUGS....damn I feel bad for you. He's an idiot.
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
