I rarely even call, text or email unless she does first. I am never one to forward stuff on. After things first went down, she really didn't call/write much either (and the norm was we would talk to each other a few times a day and email as well). Past couple of weeks, she has been picking up the freq of sending me an email or whatever during the day.
I'd say try and do the detach, which means back it off with the email and calls. Let in some space and give it some time.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Wish I could report more on my weekend, but it was sort of a blur of nothing eventful. Spent some good time together, some time alone. Felt some good vibes of playfulness with WAW, but also at dinner Sat night she talked openly of not wanting to live the rest of her life like it has been the past few years. Of course, what I said was that I don't either, I want to divorce that old relationship and have a new, healthier, more connected one.
This morning I "slipped" a little. We sleep in the same bed these days, with no interaction. We woke up and were sort of laying there, and I rolled over and put my arm around here and said "mind if I do this?" She shoke her head "no problem" and we layed there for a little bit. Probably against the DB playbook at this point, but it seemed right.
Later, when she was getting dressed (and she was looking really good today) I came up behind her and gave her a hug and said I just got to do this. She smiled. We had a pleasant little exchange and what the heck, it was a good start to the day.
The best thing I have observed this past weekend and the past couple of weeks is that, when we talk about things and the M and such, she tends to prompt me to continue, to elaborate, to talk more. I see that as that she is listening, and she is wanting to hear things from me. A positive sign...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
I think you are correct. Does sound positive. I am happy for you.
My W and I are still in separate rooms and she has not brought up R in 5 weeks now. Seems like I'm stuck in a rut. Got a C session tomorrow...much to discuss.
I'm thinking I am about at Camp I of this climb to the summit of Mt. Everest (reconciliation). Lots of danger ahead and opportunity to fall down cliffs.
I know 5 weeks seems like a long time, but it isn't when you look at 13 yrs of M. I bet there is a lot going on in the ol' thought process even though she has not said much. Like someone said in your thread, your actions are more powerful the words in a book.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Thanks. I am just trying to maintain a PMA when I know what books she is reading. Would just love to see some sign of hope or sign of doubt in her decsion.
Get used to the paradox of limbo. We'll be here for a while! We need to worry and focus on our stuff, not trying to figure out the mindset and/or look for signs from WAS World.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
JKL, I know you are right. One of the great things about these forums is the support to re-direct each other when one is down or wandering, so to speak.
I'm thinking I am about at Camp I of this climb to the summit of Mt. Everest (reconciliation). Lots of danger ahead and opportunity to fall down cliffs.
I know 5 weeks seems like a long time, but it isn't when you look at 13 yrs of M. I bet there is a lot going on in the ol' thought process even though she has not said much. Like someone said in your thread, your actions are more powerful the words in a book.
Exactly....
Although one of the most dangerous things you can do is access where YOU think you are....
Camp 1 ?
Really ?
Did SHE tell you that ?
Just live everyday for you and your Child....That is really all YOU can do right now.....
If you look down the road in this process, you will fail.
It is one step at a time.....Five weeks is not a long time....But you can't put a timeframe on her healing either...
Would you give up a portion of your life for a chance at a Fifty year anniversary ?
This isn't about you, it is about her...
Be prepared, the more rope you give, the more she will take, best to just drop the rope.
I have to disagree M1 - I don't see a problem with self-assessing where I am at. I know that I can't put a clock on the WAW and her timeline. But I can monitor my progress. That is why I used the analogy of climbing Everest. It is a huge and dangerous mountain. Base Camp is the start, and Camp I is on the way. There is much left to do but I think anyone doing this work also needs to reflect on their progress and feel good about how far they have come.
I am proud of here I am versus 2 months ago. I have no idea what the outcome will be. I have no idea how long things will take. I am sure I will have setbacks. But I am better than I was a month ago, and I think my R is better with my WAW than it was a month ago. I still sent her a draft of our separation agreement today, which is tough. But just another step that needed to be done.
So yes, do the work for you but don't be afraid to assess progress.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
