Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Well, here's the response that I got back from her this evening...in it's entirety!:

"If you're going to respond to my emails don't talk to me like I'm someone who
you do not know who you're doing a business transaction with..."

Again, its the classic example of a WAS wanting to be treated like a W but not acting like a W. Since she has chosen NOT to act like a W then she will be treated as such - she will be treated with the same courtesy and respect you would treat anybody else. WAS tend to think they can have it both ways and once they see they cant, they tend to lash out. She expected a fight with you and when you chose not to particpate she was thrown off her game and tried to reel you back in to the old dynamic. The WAS does not like when the dynamic is changed to something new, it confuses them.

I would let things cool off for a day or two and see if she reaches out to you. If not I might try one additional contact and be totally upbeat, ignore the jabs adn dication she is giving you and simply ask her in a very direct fashion if she has thought about any additional solutions that could be favorable to all involved. I am not 110% sure about this but you may find a way to ask her how you can better communicate to her and put the ball in her court to provide an answer. As we say, you are looking for solutions now and a big part of those solutions is NOT falling back to the old destructive dynamic you both used to share.


PS - Incidentally, I don't know her anymore, as she is like a different person than the one I have known all these years! She was also used to me being a mean prick and dictating how things were gonna be all these years...probably flips her out for me to be otherwise!

[/quote]

Hi CityGirl.

I'm not gonna fight or argue! I'm a lot different now than I used to be...in a good way! Thank you for helping me with responses so far!

Good advice. Don't know if she will reach out or not. Don't know whether or not I'll send another E-mail regarding this without hearing from her first...but I will ignore the jabs at any rate. Maybe will find a way to ask her about how I can better communicate with her...but, I've already asked her that during these E-mail exchanges. I am looking for solutions, and will not fall back to the old destructive dynamic that we used to have.

Thanks for your help with these issues CityGirl!