Guys, the whole controller/controllee paradigm is a trap, a mindf*ck. Once you know you've stopped doing that (and you better be mindful cuz at least for me, I don't realize I'm doing it), you've got to be able to reasonably take care of yourself and set boundaries and not buy into the whole "you're so controlling" thing. If I don't want my H scr*wing other people, I'm controlling...
Get my drift?
And for the controllee, from my vantage point, you've got the upper hand. Ha, tell her when you notice how relaxed she is or how you like the changes you're seeing in her, you feel like you can be yourself more when you're around her. I'd just melt in two seconds. I was so close to walking. All H had to do was show me that the R mattered to him, that he was paying attention to me and my life and my struggles, that he was there to lift me up, not compete with me. You've got a LOT to work with.
I do have a lot of control when it comes to H, I even think I could convince him to come home. But, I could not live with being that person anymore. I don't want that responsibility or the resentment or the complete lack of real intimacy that comes with trying to control and define another person. I want to meet him (or someone else) where they are and enjoy it.
