I've got stuff to do. Well, the wife finally came and picked D up. She called in and asked again if I was going and that I was welcome to. I said, no thanks, I've got stuff to do. She called again a few minutes later after they left and asked if D was spending the night. I said, I assumed so, is it not your weekend? Is there a problem, do you have plans or something? She said, well, I didn't know. I said, ok, is there a problem? She said I'll call and let you know. Wow, someone's priorities are a bit mixed up I think. It's her weekend and she obviously made plans to go out w/ someone. My D thinks she's spending the night. How is my D going to feel about this I wonder? Ugh.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Just an after thought but if the wife calls back and says she is dropping D off I'll say great how considerate of you. I'm sure D knows where she ranks in your book now. I guess I'll cancel my plans so you can go out w/ whoever it is that is more important than our D.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John, Its not worth it to argue with her...so don't do it. You have nothing to win by this...all it will do is justify her actions to herself to rid the guilt. Just make sure you keep your notes up to date to document this event. Continue to gather your intel...two-fold purpose. Hopefully to end the affair but if needed to quietly gather what you need to come out ahead if this goes to court and she tries to take advantage of you. Take your time and think about what you want. Most of the time you seem to be reacting to her demands. If your plan is to continue to try saving your marriage think about talking to your CC and tell him what you know about the OM and you have pictures of his truck at W apartment. That is enough for a no contact order as it is inappropriate for an officer to visit an enlisted married womans apartment...negative order and discipline. Perhaps he could have a talk with the OM offline using his position to influence him. You never know... You still should consider talking to a lawyer (do not tell your wife) to get everything ready...I'm guessing she continues to pay the bills...you are lucky but I would verify...if you can try to get yourself out of debt. Very important....
Well I know I'm getting more and more detached as this morning when I pulled up to the gym the wife just happened to be waiting for me. She asked if I wanted to walk w/ her to go get a bagel and bannana. I politely declined and made my way to the gym. The old me would have followed right along beside her but not the new me. Hoop, the investigation continues and all the wife's belongings are boxed up and out of sight. Had a nice boring, relaxing weekend by the pool! Next weekend, my D and I are making our way to Disneyworld.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Good for you, John. Glad you didn't go along for the banana hunt. Glad you've reorganized your home to reflect reality. Hope you are finding peace within yourself.
J, You are doing well...there is more to do but you seem to be on the right path. Without sounding like a broken record...don't forget to protect yourself legally. I would not like to see what debts she has had since she moved out and would not want you to get half of it as marital debt...should not happen but better to be safe than sorry.
Hopefully your investigation will confirm OM. You do not need pictures for you CC...an inappropriate relationship is enough for a no contact order. Something for you to think about...your call but it would probably be best if it was for an inappropriate relationship vs an affair...lets your wife save face. Someone else had said was this the reason she wanted to go Army...sounds like it.
When you can confirm if OM is married you will have a better idea on what to do.
Continue like you have these past few days...you will have bad days too so be prepared. Great idea for Disney with your daughter....this is hard on her also. Take care
Hoop, I am going to see my lawyer after I get back from Disney. I have a copy of the wife's LES and will get the scoop on what I can do legally as far as filing. That will give me a better clue as to my next move. As far as the debts are concerned, well, we have this house together--another question for the lawyer and one joint credit card that has been paid off and cancelled(by me--she doesnt' know yet). I'm still actively working to find out details about the OM--PCS date, married or not, etc.
So far a good day, hopefully the bad ones will be less and less. I was thinking about wording it the way you said--an inappropriate relationship. We'll see.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
J, WOW...you obviously have your stuff together. The house may create issues if you both used your VA to get the loan but nothing that can't be worked...depending on your interest rate and the value right now you might even be able to reduce your monthly payment by a refinance.
No matter what happens the bad days will become less and less as you take control of your own life. Now is a good time to have fun with your daughter...new clothes for the trip? She will like that...guaranteed. Have fun at Disney!
