I've been reading your post and we have a lot in common. My H and I have been married only 9 months, and he moved out 3 weeks ago after a big fight. He had been unhappy for awhile, and of course he says it's all my fault. We have no kids together, even though we had been trying up until the bomb. He hasn't filed, but being in limbo-land is so difficult. It's like being in purgartory, the LBS spouse has no control over the situation whatsoever. We only have control over ourselves. You are not alone in your suffering. Know that this board is full of people who will support you and help you through this.
I don't know how long you have been doing the DB, and I'm not one to be giving advice, but I think you need to do some extreme LRT, like going completely dark. Be cheerful, upbeat and busy when you do see him but don't spend a lot of time around him. I know you're still in the same house, but be going out a lot. Be mysterious to him. Project happiness. Let him see that you're life is going to move forward with or without him. Continue going to MC, but don't ask him to go anymore. This is about your wellbeing right now. You are responsible for your survival because right now he has chosen to D you for the time being. So you have to hold yourself up with dignity and class. Show him that you are a woman only a fool would leave.
You're plenty young to still have a baby. I'm 40 and still want one. I tell myself that even if I end up divorced, I am still a good catch for any decent and good man. And I can still adopt.
Our WAH are going though their own complicated journeys. This is our time to step back and let them take that journey alone. We love them, so we need to let them go. If they decide to come back after their journey, we will know it was because they wanted to be with us and not because they felt pressured from us to stay together. Wouldn't you rather know that your H came back because he decided on his OWN that he didn't want to give you up?
Take it one day at a time. That's what I have to do. I cry, I get lonely, I obsess, but I also force myself to GAL and I tell myself that I will get through this. It's the hardest think I've ever had to do. But I have no choice, I can't control his life.
Immediately stop the talk about the R and D! Neither of you are in the right frame of mind to be discussing that now. And don't tell him who he can or can't hang out with on the weekends. He feels like he's being controlled when you do that.
He tells you that he loves you, and that's a positive sign. Before I was DBing, I asked my H if he still loved me, and he said he wasn't sure.
Remember, right now he is choosing not to be with you. So this is your opportunity to show him that you going to be just fine without him. You are a strong woman and you will survive with or without him!
Me 40 WAH 43 T 4 years M 91/2 months sep. 3 weeks stepson 9
