Game Over?

[dday101798]

t-minus 23:39 hours.

Can you say "trainwreck"?

I'm slowly walking the edge of the abyss that I've fallen into time and time again through this.

Although this time, I have a life line that won't let me fall in to it.

The "date" Friday was wonderful. I had the best time in a long time. Finding myself feeling a lot of things I thought I wouldn't for some time. Not sure if I mentioned or not, but this emerging situation is almost 20 years in the making. It's so nice to know that after all this, all the blame from W an deven worse, the self blame, someone can come along, pick you up and dust you off.

Anyway, more on that later as it progresses.

To the issue at hand, the "Big-D". I can not say how many times this weekend I wanted to scream on the top of my lungs "I hate that woman!". My lord, I feel so bad for her. She is so blindly lost in the world of lies she an OM live in that I fear for her well being.

We started to talk Saturday morning as I was running late to get the boys for the weekend and I just can't take it anymore and find myself in a bad stance with her. Initial conversation ended when we started going over finances and how much the attorney's are running us dry, and all I could say was "well, this is what you wanted". No tone, no attitude in it, just as simple as that. Her response? Back to the same old game of her denial which really set me off on a tangent.

After I picked the boys up and had a bit of an attitude with her, I called to apologize. I can't convey to her enough how much I could care less about her and OM anymore. It's how she took everything away from me in her own selfish blindness.

When I dropped them off last night, that was all refueled, to see OM joking and tapping MY KIDS on their heads. It just kills me. When I couldn't take it anymore, S11 provoked a conversation about visitation and mostly the upcoming summer break of which I can not do 3 weeks straight, not even a week. So I said to W that we'll have to talk about it later and see if we can do something for winter instead. Without a single thought she starts to blurt out again "you can see them whenever you want, I don't care what a piece of paper says". Of which I just started to walk (practically run to my truck) to get out of there. How in the flippen world can I see them "whenever I want" when htey are going to live so far away and I'm getting a second job just to rebuild my life?

I just said "bye boys, I love you and will see you in 2 weeks". Looked at wife scornfully "And I will see you Tuesday morning".

She had the brass to say "I'm not doing this to be a b@#ch to you". To which I could only say 'so what do you call it then? Afriendly gesture?'. And left.

And that is how it all comes to a closure. She refuses to face the past and I refuse to face now.

Some day, if she thinks we'll EVER be friends, she's going to have to own up to this. But friends is all we will ever be.

After a bit of a rough ride this morning, I texted W out of common courtesy "I'd appreciate it if you keep the "man" who took everything away from me out of the courtroom, thank you".

Thus far, no reply and I don't expect one. And I don't expect that request to be fullfilled either.