A golden opportunity to make your life the way you want it to be and to make your marriage one that you truly cherish.
I really think I have to give up on the marriage part. Maybe that will be the outcome or maybe not but the only way I can love myself and H for that matter is to accept that we may evolve into something else...
I don't have the quotes offhand but they're here somewhere or on SP's thread...about accepting that you're already dead. Even if it is my own little mindf*ck, it is where I need to be. H and I are on our own paths; I hope the M works out. I am up for it but, I just can't harass myself mentally about it or him.
Looking back at our old emails. I wanted a marriage, he wanted to feel that his mere physical presence was enough. That is not marriage for me.
I'm open to the possibilities. I'm here. We are here. Nothing has been deconstructed (finances, living arrangements).
I am being me, a very thoughtful, mellow, pleasant, exercising, working, organizing, loving me...he can do what he wants.
