Stress, WAW and life in general III

[AJM]

AJ - I can relate to this... sometimes I think H looks for things wrong in what I've said or done to avoid the emotional mess he's made of me

One thing I've learned is that she can do nothing to me in that sense. I think it is likely the same for you - Husband didn't make you a mess - that was your reaction (and I completely understand).

How much have I seen her? Too much I think. It's really tearing me up. She treats me as less than a friend many days. I have to admit my anger and resentment is really out of control right now. I need some time to deal and can't get enough time away from her to complete my thoughts.

This past weekend was nice. Turbulent, but nice in the end because I was able to be by myself. I love my kids, but I needed some time. Just at the end, W decided to come by the house to use the washing machine (larger at the house and son's blanket needed to be cleaned.) She called and I said no problem while you're there, please let the dogs out because I won't be back after church. It'll be much later in the day before I get back. She took that as an opportunity to spy on me a bit. She left me a note to enjoy my cooking class (nobody knew but it was on the calendar at the house). That kind of bothered me (now I guess I know how she felt?) She called later in the evening to see how the class was and to chat. She also wanted to get on the calendar to go to an Inn in Ashboro for our anniversary.

The downside is that I'm angry enough right now, that I do not want to go with her. I suspect I'm using the anger as a defense mechanism, but so far have not been able to stop it. I'm trying. I really am, but not really having much luck at the moment. I've lost my way for a while. Need some time. Perhaps this is what Kalni was talking about in some of her posts?

I did try to go to a baseball game. Could have gone to NYC last minute to see them play Tampa. Tampa's farm team, the Durham bulls play here, so it's nice to see some of those that have moved to the bigs play. But the weather was sketchy looking and I decided I really didn't have the money right now to risk on a possible rained out game. I had to wait.

Thanks MB. I'm trying, but I'm drowning at the moment. I'm focusing on me more and more. I had to put that off while I focused on the kids. They seem to be adjusting, so I'm altering my approach.

Take care,
AJ