The crazy train? Surrendered? I'd say you haven't fully surrendered just yet.
I agree you are making some progress and "starting" to focus more on you. Keep focusing on you. Be careful not to be jaded or to start hating him so that you don't feel down. Feel all your emotions, AK. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. You have an awesome opportunity that life handed you. Don't short-circuit it to avoid the pain or to avoid the feelings. Go through each of them and revel in them. I would say that last time you and H went through tough times, you didn't take the time to go through all of the emotions, understandably so. Don't miss the opportunity to grow and learn to really live this time around. You may not get this chance again Meantime, take each moment as it comes; surf girl. You need to stop looking to the future and trying to anticipate his actions or mood or your reactions. Hard as that is to do it's worth the struggle. Part of the way to do it is to focus on you. Focus on the boys. Be the person you meant to be all along. It sounds like you are awakening to that very concept and are just hesitant to step into the unknown. In part because of the pain H is contributing to.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
