I hate my H

[Done in VA]

Forrest - I appreciate your time reading thru my scenario:

I question the thought of whether you think he does not love you.

I don't understand what you mean by this quote above.

"I just look at my H & think - why can't you just let go of whatever issues you have with me, wipe the slate clean & I'll do the same for you and let's move forward????"

The simple answer to this is that he has tried. In his mind.. he has "done it all" with no response from you.
"

If he did this it would have been nice to have been told!

So why have you not done "it" yet?

Because I made a vow that I take seriously. Because we have children that I don't want to see go thru a divorce.

Overview of sitch:

H says I was too controlling - examples were me being resentful that he had a job w/lot of travel & entertaining clients. I was working full time & taking care of the kids 1 & 2 at the time. We would talk on the phone at night & I would say - what are you doing right now? He would say - getting ready to take clients to a steakhouse. I would say - Must be nice! (sarcastically). There was a reorg at his job & his new boss was a micro manager which he hated so I encouraged him to quit & work at my company. I always referred to him as my partner, but about 3 months ago we were at a friend's house & he said - no she's my boss (very resentfully). So I know it must have bothered him. When he was withdrawing from me, I encouraged him to go back to corporate america, which he started a new job 2 months ago.

He loved playing baseball & this was another major source of contention. My job requires me to work weekends & he would be off at double headers that would take 8 hours out of a weekend day (not to mention if the team wanted to go out for beers afterwards), while I was watching the kids once again, after he had traveled all week. I resented this. Plus I worked weekends so if someone called me & needed something, I was the one left scrambling with a 1 & 2 year old. When he came to work w/me, he quit baseball. He resents me for this. When we have rehashed the situation, he says he wished I would have just said - we'll find a way to make this work. Bottom line in my interpretation is wishing I would have been supportive. I told him to play again this season & I will never complain once. He is & I haven't.

I have bent on things for him in the past too, though. Unlike him, I never kept score. I only went back & thought of these things since he dropped the bomb bc I was trying to analyze if things were always just about me.

He thinks I always have to have my way - that's another thing he has said.

Right now: I have stopped complaining about him wanting to do things on his own. Giving him space. No R talk. I am watching my tone - he always says it's not what I say but how I say it.

The positives:
1. Still in same bed
2. At home
3. Goes to MC
4. Says he is noticing me making changes & it is nice
5. Does homework from MC
6. Has said he appreciates me "trying"
7. Communicates w/me about where he is going & calls/emails me throughout the day - for instance on Fri said he might go out for some beers w/a friend after work. Calls later on to tell me who he is going with & where. Texts me later to saying they are leaving X establishment to go to Y establishment.
8. At MC 2 weeks ago said he takes 50% of the blame. MC says what are you doing to own your 50%? H says - coming here & trying to take more of an interest in what she is doing. He never said he was willing to "try" to do anything until this point.

The negatives:
1. No talk of future - limboland
2. No physical touch
3. No spending time together (outside of watching tv in the evenings)

I guess when things were better, we were more carefree. We didn't have so many responsibilities. If he wanted to do something, he did it. I wanted to do something, I did it.

LL - for him words of affirmation will be my focus. For me quality time. What do you mean by centering the conversation? Please give me suggestions!