initially, he's a bit distant, but warms up as time progresses.
Like Mike, I know a guy like that as well. The trick for you is to recognize it and go with it. Instead of leaping from the top of the fridge when he comes home, give him space until he decompresses. That's part of being comfortable at home. Also, you may find that he opens up more when you actively listen (see the web for examples of active listening skills, but as a sales person, I bet you know what that is already
Active listening is one of the best things you can do AFTER letting him decompress. He'll open up like a can of fish.
I feel you sister. I really do. You have your balance and then you go home and cry your eyes out. It's odd, but that is how it is. Keep fighting and keep doing what you're doing. It seems that H is coming around - telling you jokes to try and make you feel better? Asking your advice on business matters? Hmm... he's feeling you. He's making his way back. It'll be a while before he cuts loose from the fog, but he's trying isn't he?
Try the things above and see what happens. You might be able to add them to the repetoire
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJ - I see your point, and I don't jump on him upon return... I just hang back and let the kids have their time. It'd be nice to get at least a hint of him being glad to see me, though... He almost has to get something rude out of his mouth, prior to being himself. Odd, very odd.
I do listen well. Recently while bloodying my tongue since I have to bite it so often!!!
I'm going to check out your thread now... Glad to see you peeking back in! Did you ever make it to a baseball game???
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Difficult conversation w/D18 coming up this week, her grad party, and to top it off, H is not happy w/her... won't tell her, just snarky barbs here and there (and they're best of buds).
Boys are doing good.
I got a new bike. Yea.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Got it! Just an FYI, if y'all want to fish somewhere run, we have one of the original boathouses on our river! Hahaha Not sure you'd catch anything worthy, but we'd have a hell of a time, and good food...
well you actually don't have it because I gave it to you wrong..it's actually .net on the end and not .com...sorry...
road bike or trail?
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 06/08/0911:20 AM.
My new bikes looks like a vintage grandma bike! Hahah It's very NOT me, but in a way fits just perfectly!
My H took the boys and I bike shopping (S9 didn't have a bike that fits anymore), and we went to a "Bike Store," and found a few options. H offered to get one of the $300 models, but I just didn't feel right about it. I may or may not ride this bike much, and just wanted something to tool around on the river bike path on behind the boys, if needed. Soooooooooo, we went to the local SuperTarget, and looked at bikes there. I got this light blue, w/white fenders (ha!) bike that has the "almost" stand up handlebars, brakes on the pedals, etc... $84 put together and out the door! We all had a great laugh at me driving around in the store on the bike, agreed that somehow it just fits. Considering it may not get used past the first week of purchase, it works just fine.
Funny
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You know MB, I was talking to a friend the other day going through a similar situation. Can I tell you that just when he started talking about negative things the most, that's when things changed?
What I'm saying here is that you need to keep hoping. I hear some bitterness in your posts and while I understand and sympathize, just want to be sure you're venting and not harboring. From what I've seen, you're venting
I think that there is more and more change from H based on your posts. The advantage of not being here in a little while is that I can see some of the changes more clearly.
You seem to be having more and more fun and your H seems to be drawn to you more and more. Him trying to make you feel better seems instinctual and not the action of somebody who doesn't love you. Not sure why the no intimacy, but I suspect you'll find out when the time comes.
I like to think you're having more fun and focusing more on you. I think that's the right thing to do...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Second (and I don't know HOW MANY TIMES I've had this convo with WAW), and at the risk of a blanket generalization, most men REALLY DON'T CARE. What gets us going is a woman's attitude. Sure, we like the Hugh Hefner-supplied woman -- TO LOOK AT. Just like you like the six-pack-ab guy we'll never be. (There's a reason why Greek statues represented "ideals" of physical beauty, even to the ancient Greeks, friend!)
This is SOOO true! It's exactly right! We (men) just want you (women) to be happy with the way you look, because THAT is what attracts us. Had that convo with W numerous times since we have been together.
Just been on vacation for a week, so just like AJ, reading through 2 pages of posts creates a clearer picture than when you check on a daily basis. It seems to me like H is coming around a bit. He did not run away when he caught you crying, he tried to make you feel better. Making jokes may not feel like the best way to you, but that's what he thought of and he made an effort. Especially considering he's a RUNNER as you said, it's a worthy effort from him. Also, planning for the future (houses and stuff) is not coming from someone who's thinking of bailing on you!
[/quote]You know MB, I was talking to a friend the other day going through a similar situation. Can I tell you that just when he started talking about negative things the most, that's when things changed?
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AJ - I hope you're onto something!!! A few posts back I mentioned we got along best when he was at his snarkiest!
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What I'm saying here is that you need to keep hoping. I hear some bitterness in your posts and while I understand and sympathize, just want to be sure you're venting and not harboring. From what I've seen, you're venting
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Me, bitter? Two years post bomb? Maybe I just need to get laid! LOL
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I think that there is more and more change from H based on your posts. The advantage of not being here in a little while is that I can see some of the changes more clearly. [quote]
It's funny, he's getting closer, yet farther... Odd, very odd.
Thanks for checking in again, AJ.
This sh^t stinks!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
