"Just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way. I feel like I am swinging on a pendulum on a day to day basis. Today I hate him. I hate the man he is today."
This is a big part of DB'ing. It usually signals the start of a life changing event. You could label it "flip-flopping" or "on the fence". To me it just shows that you are very likely focused on the wrong things in life. I will also tell you that he is most likely doing the exact same thing as you.. but there are way different "reasons" for him.
"Does H love me? He doesn’t seem to."
I question the thought of whether you think he does not love you.
"Sometimes I feel like I am just holding onto a memory. A memory that's slowly fading away. Why?"
Lets just say for "the devils" sake. He is not holding onto the "memory". You can't discount what he feels... or where he is. He has every reason just like you to feel the way he does. Ask yourself.. why does this feel "surprising". Why does this catch you off guard?
"I just look at my H & think - why can't you just let go of whatever issues you have with me, wipe the slate clean & I'll do the same for you and let's move forward????"
The simple answer to this is that he has tried. In his mind.. he has "done it all" with no response from you.
There is a lot that goes into that simple answer from me.
"And let me just tell you this, I am 34 years old. Young enough that starting over in life wouldn't be too terrible."
"Here is H's problems with me: He thinks I am too controlling He thinks I talk down to him & criticize him He thinks I give him guilt trips He thinks I am cold & mean He feels his opinions never mattered"
I would suspect he finds you "over the top". How are you addressing these things? Explain to me your early "Life" when things were good.
"My biggest questions are the GAL I addressed previously & questions about physical touch."
GAL can be very subjective. The idea behind GAL is to pull your mind out of the "stitch". It (GAL) gives you downtime of not thinking about all that is going on around you.
Don't expect PT right now.
"Thanks for your suggestions. I have read that book & mine is actually quality time. I think that is part of the reason I have been viewed as controlling & giving him guilt trips - because I wanted to be together. I just want physical touch now because he always was so affectionate before...much more than me...I just think it would be my way of gauging that he was making a big step. And if I got a big step, I could be more certain about our future which I feel is completely in limbo right now.
I have a hard time figuring out what H's love language is...as affectionate as he was, he always did acts of service for me (even though that wasn't mine)...so sometimes I think you do for others what you would like them to do for you. The other one it may be is words of affirmation."
This proves the point of we don't know what we think we know.
LL (Love Languages) can be hard to figure out even for one's self.
I want you to really think hard and list one for him.. and one for you. I want you to think about just 1 for each of you right now to center the conversation.
Now I skimmed thru most of your posts.. and I likely missed something. If you could can you give me a "overview" of where and what is going on right now?
No matter what is going on right now the best thing I can tell you is to GAL (Find a distraction) and pick your battles.
I will read thru the rest of the posts...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
