Maybe you should try going dark. Drag your feet on the divorce, but stop pursuing or initiating any talks with your h. It may shock him a bit if you do a 180 qnd just cut him cold. He doesn't want to talk, then don't talk.
Also, go for your fair share of the marital assets, and I am not kidding about this. Your h will make you feel afraid of "making him mad" but don't get confused about the money or you will really kick yourself later. Do not let him bully you into rushing anything re: the divorce. Get a lawyer immediately and let them handle things.
Plus, his childhood issues are not your fault. God, I get so sick of LBS's feeling like they have to fix their broken spouse. Most of the time they don't want to get better anyway. That would take away their excuses to behave badly.
Hang in there.
Oh, and another thing, of course he is having an A of some sort. They almost always are. In light of the other behaviors he is exhibiting, I don't understand why this red flag is being ignored.
