Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Well, the two of you can argue back and forth about who got what e-mail and who didnt and continue to cause conflict and more ill feelings OR you can both accept that was some sort of e-mail snafu and find a solution.

Going back and forth about the e-mail is the past and it simply rehashes the communication issues you both have. So, do you want to keep rehashing and arguing over an e-mail or do you want to find a workable solution to the issue at hand?

What your WAS seems to not get is now that you ARE on your own it is perfectly within your right to decide things on your own w/o her consent or approval (ex: vacation time). But it doesnt seem she is in a place to accept her role in this miscommunication and pointing it out to her will only cause further demise.

So, what can you do to defuse this situation and find a workable solution so you both can have a vacation with the kids? And, what can you suggest for the future so things like this dont happen again?

This will need some editing but I would respond with something like this:

Dear W,
Thanks for your quick response. Clearly there was some issue with our e-mails as I dont recall receiving any message from you regarding the vacations and schedules. While that is unfortunate my desire is to find a workable solution to this issue with what we have in front of us at this time.

I understand both of our time is valuable and time off work is precious. I have offered the suggestion of me taking the girls as planned in June and you taking them in July. However I am open to any additional suggestions or solutions you may have. I know we are both fully committed to co-parenting our girls in the best possible fashion so I am confident a compromise can be reached that is favorable to all of us.

Also, I would like to suggest the creation of a family calendar so both of us are able to view things such as vacation times, school events, appts and other child related activities. It would be very simple for me to set up an online family calendar that we both have access to and I would be happy to do that. Of course, I would appreciate your input on this idea.

Thanks!
Antlers

Hi CityGirl.

Thank you for your help so far. It's so helpful to have somebody with no emotional investment in the thing to provide me with useful and helpful information like you have so far. It provides me with a different perspective. Her is the response that I sent earlier today...


"Thanks for your quick response. Clearly there was some issue with our
E-mails because I never received any message from you after my 1st E-mail on May
27th regarding the vacations and schedules. While that is unfortunate, my
desire is to find a workable solution to this issue with what we have in front
of us at this time.

I understand that time for both of us is valuable and time off work with our
kids means a lot. I have offered the suggestion of me taking our kids as
planned at the end of June, and you taking them at the end of July. That way,
we each get something we wanted. I can still change my vacation request for
July because that schedule and reservations have not been finalized. I'm open
to any additional suggestions or solutions you may have. I know we are both
fully committed to co-parenting our kids in the best possible way, so I am
confident a compromise can be reached that is favorable to all of us.

Maybe we can both come up with some solutions or suggestions for the future
regarding our communication so things like this don't happen again. Thanks."


Haven't heard back yet. Thanks again for your help.

Well, here's the response that I got back from her this evening...in it's entirety!:

"If you're going to respond to my emails don't talk to me like I'm someone who
you do not know who you're doing a business transaction with..."


Any thoughts and/or advice from you guys and gals?



ps - Incidentally, I don't know her anymore, as she is like a different person than the one I have known all these years! She was also used to me being a mean prick and dictating how things were gonna be all these years...probably flips her out for me to be otherwise!