I believe 100% that if it could have worked then, it can work now. She is making a decision. There is no reason for her to reject the possibility of R unless she has her own issues (which clearly she does).
I was an almost WAS, but if H would have put half the effort of you guys on here are doing, I would have been eager to see action and give it a chance.
I have my own issues. Some people perceive me as insecure because I don't shut the door on my M. But, we each have our own path.
You know, if you were more like my H, you could turn it around and tell her 101 ways she didn't make it worth it for you to put the energy and you are moving on.
She has major trust issues to work through and I concur with Sandi, there isn't too much you can do about that.
The hardest thing is to choose. Hand her cr*p over to her and take responsibility for YOUR part and go about your business OR try to be the guy she's saying you weren't and hope she believes it. I have been somewhere in the middle and it hasn't really accomplished much 5 months into separation.
Today, I am picking the things H has pointed out that I know are true and working on them (serves me anyway) and I am doing the 180s that work for me. Sometimes I'm thinking of what H would think but that is subsiding thankfully.
YOU...you've got to change your name from "confusedinpa" and move toward "figuringitoutinpa" or something like that.
Oh, I say it would have taken so little for H to "make me happy." But, come on now, that's easy to say in retrospect. And, most happy people will tell you that no one can "make you happy." She has some big fish to fry that have nothing to do with you IMO.
There is also a big issue that I've recognized in most of these sitches which is sort of like your paradigm with family...they see you through a certain lens and it is hard to divert from that. WAS can't really reinvent themselves with the S around. They want to be and feel like a new and improved person and they see you as fitting with the old them. I think that is part of why it is so important to work on YOU because a) that is necessary for your survival and b) you have an opportunity to reinvent yourself and inspire your ex.
I never seem to be at a loss for words here. I feel so much empathy for everyone. It is so easy to think our feelings are so unique but we are all in the same boat.
