W is having Affair -- may leave soon -- thread 2

[RustyShackleford]

I'm thinking what would Jesus do in this situation?

Here's a reality: Jesus taught forgiveness, right? And it is possible to have forgiveness (of the infidelity) without reconciliation (of the marriage). Understand that. Believe it.

Listen, I did the whole "textbook" DB thing, posting several thousand times under a different name on this board. And although I believe in the DB theory, there are cases where one needs to deviate a bit, for the benefit of the LBS. This is one.

"Back in the day," my self-esteem was so low that I stood back and "watched." In hindsight, it was the exact opposite of what I should have done. I have since rebuilt myself, and I know that I will survive whatever comes my way. Believe this yourself, and if you can't, then get professional help that will assist you in getting to where you need to be. I did, and it worked for me.

I don't want to argue or give her the silent treatment when she returns -- I believe that will make her very uncomfortable.

"Silent treatment" is passive-aggressive. WIMPY and unattractive.

I know that she was very insecure growing up and that she is still somewhat insecure as an adult. The OM is giving her the attn and "love" that I was not unfortunately. She believes that I do not really love her. She asked me on a number of occasions if I really love her and at the end of MAR09 asked me if she was the love of her life. The answer: yes, yes, and absolutely yes. The problem was that I had difficulties showing this. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. Thanks again.

OK, if this is the case, then don't love her any more. Begin to see yourself as "too good" for a cheater like her. Not arrogant; just confident and distant. And you know what? You ARE too good for her. She doesn't really deserve a faithful man like you. She deserves a worm like OM. Believe it, and act it. This is GAL, the the most difficult part of DBing.

What worked for me? The church. I am Catholic, and I began attending daily (morning) Mass whenever I could. I also joined a couple of groups affiliated with my parish. These things significantly extended my circle of friends, and it expanded and increased in both quantity and quality.

Oh, just to clarify, in the paragraph above, the use of the word "worked" refers not the salvation of the marriage.

It saved me.