How Do You Forgive?

[eternaloptimist]

"Re-writing of marital history" refers to a cheating spouse telling their betrayed spouse that "I've never been happy in the marriage," even though all earlier indications are that they WERE. They actually go back in their minds and RE-WRITE the history of their marriage, making it out to be much worse than it was, EARLIER than it was, to justify the decision to have an affair.

I'd estimate that it happens is over 80% of all affairs.

As for the rest of it, I'm hearing you, but I remain unconvinced. Just please be careful.

Puppy

Hi, Puppy. Ahhhh! Yeah, I totally hear you. Thanks again for your support this week.

We had some fights this weekend and I told him that he was rewriting our marriage. True. I put together a "timeline" of the things that I found out over the past 6 months and I pointed out how, when I confronted him about the 1st assumed EA (which he denied and spun to keep me off the trail of the real EA w/his therapist), that he was sorry for causing me any pain, said he loved me, etc. He said that he didn't realize how much I still loved him. Well, that was all crap I guess, b/c it was AFTER this that he still pursued the therapist. In his mind, our marriage was over no matter what I said or did. That is how he justified his actions. To which I replied, "Well, I didn't get to be part of that decision." I did tell him over and over that I wanted a divorce in the heat of arguments, but I never meant it. I just couldn't take the emotional abuse anymore and was trying to get his attention. Little good that did me.

He says that the EA with the therapist was not as important to him as I think it was and that I should stop reading the posts here. Since the therapist could lose her job, I do not think he has any contact w/ her. I am still checking the computer and have seen no more evidence. But I am skeptical at best. He seems more depressed than ever and is having more trouble sleeping again. So I think he has cut off contact. His behavior seems to indicate this.