Nicole: I keep wondering - were we just the envy of all because we got along so well? Did we just get along so well bc H always kept feelings inside? It always just SEEMED like we agreed on everything & were great friends? While meanwhile his resentment was eating him alive! Meanwhile it doesn't help that he has erased all good memories from his mind. If this was the case, not only am I being put thru all this, but I WAS ROBBED OF MY REALITY! Will I ever trust again? Will I ever be able to know what is true & what is not? Did H take that capability from me?
When you say you look around you at pretty girls & think your H will be w/them next...I do something similar, but I will look at (sorry to sound rude) fat, nasty couples at the pool & think - even people like that can find someone to love them. WHAT WAS SO WRONG WITH ME????????? WHY WASN'T I GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE?
Tomorrow will be better...
I think that they envied us and/or looked up to us because we SEEMED so stable. Which is ironic in every way now. I have heard so many times from our shocked family and friends..."wow, he really had it all..." And he did. I am sure that there is no way anyone who comes out of their fog could look at this situation logically and say that they made the right decision. I think so much of the pain cames from being out of control. We do not want this to be our lives...we want our family in tact. We can't control another person. It makes me realize more than ever how serious marriage really is. You are entrusting your sanity as well as your heart and everything else you hold prescious and dear to another person of whom you have NO CONTROL. So, unless you did something to warrant this treatment...which would be easier for me if I REALLY thought that I did or if H said I did (he is not blaming me for anything which confuses me more)...it is extremely damaging to the psyche.
As for the fat, ugly person comment....I too have thought this many times. Ugly being in behavior mostly...but yes, I wonder what more I will have to do to keep a man. This must all be human nature, these thoughts! It is hard to handle as there is never a good answer! Unbelieveable!!!!!
I also would not wish this on my worst enemy...but I am SOOOOOO glad you guys are here!
