Yeah I did...they took me to some dive. Sheesh...can't even take a lady to a fancy dinner wink hehe tomorrow nite is chili night. (You guys know I got nuttin' but luv foya...)

Trapt, it has been a long road. I think I need to take the opportunity to say a few things, though.

Maybe it is because I am a psych major, or maybe it is because I have read so many self help books I could open my own self help bookstore that I feel so positive. This has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. And although I could have let it destroy me, I didn't.

I don't hate H. As a matter of fact, I still love him. Am I angry at times? You betcha. I have found that by allowing myself to feel the anger, it really leaves me pretty quickly, and I can put the memory behind me.

I know I did not give up and move on. I moved forward. It just so happens that in my case, I am not moving forward with my H. And I am okay with that.

I never thought I would get to this point. I tried for so long to push down any feeling I had for H, to rid myself of it, suck it up, move on. That doesn't work. I realized that in order to heal, I had to feel. There are still moments when I am sad, and miss him. But not the person he is now. And I also know that I will never trust him again. Even if he came back now, full of promises, I would not take him back. It may be because there has been more than one woman, and I KNOW I deserve better than that. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to love. And I deserve to trust the person I love, and have that person trust me. And I have decided that someday in the future, I will have that.

So to anyone who reads my thread...FEEL. It is not always easy, and the first few times you allow yourself to do it, it will be very hard. But eventually you will realize you are smiling more often than crying, laughing more often than being angry, and forgiving. And that is the most important part.

((((hugs)))) Lola

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..