Many times the only way a spouse can consider divorce is by laying all the blame on the other partner, in this case, you. Yet what is forgotten is that each individual is responsible for their own happiness, the person they see in the mirror. That goes for you, too.
A marriage is made up of equal partners. Each of you is responsible for 50% of the issues. Growth starts when you take 100% responsibility for your share of the problems. That is where change comes in.
DB coaches have positive ways of addressing issues. Take away the negatives that your spouse carps about. I started creating safe havens of tranquility one room at time for my spouse.. cleaning them up, removing clutter, making them peaceful. The clutter and mess in the house always bugged him. The more you remove what he gripes about the more he is forced to look at the true issues.
It's also said that the way to reach your spouse is through their complaints. Take care of those and things may ease up. At the very least, he knows he's being heard.
When my spouse said he was leaving, to 'live his own life, the life he always wanted' all my resentments ripped away. What had been big deals in the past, vanished. He commented on it. My reply was that I'd gotten a kick in the butt and a huge wake up call.
Divorce Remedy has a lot of good direction on what to do, Care and Feeding of a Husband is highly recommended, too as well as the Love Dare.
Enjoy the 'you' who is emerging. Stop giving him prime real estate in your mind.. trying to figure him out only saps your energy and takes away from positive growth on your part. And learn to listen to your inner voice within.
*hugs*
PS.. I just saw your post. "Co-Dependent No More" was a great book showing how you can unwittingly become a martyr. It was one of the best books I read through all this.
