Wow, I came to the right place today. I am feeling the same and I can honestly say that I had the same thoughts on my R. Not always great, but we were a GREAT couple. The envy of all around us. Maybe that is the curse as it seems to be a common thread here. I don't know... What I do know is that I agree with the demoralizing part of being left behind. I feel like he will always have one up on me because I was not good enough to fight for. I look around at people and every pretty girl I see I wonder if she could be his next R. Is that crazy or what? Like..."oh, he would probably be happier with ANYONE else but me!" And I wonder if I will ever get over H and wanting to be with him. I keep telling myself that I will never know the way he is probably hurting. It has to be worse than me, in a way because he cannot even pinpoint the reason. But heartbreak FEELS bad. I mean, it HURTS in a literal sense. I can see that it is stages of hurt. I can see that I have passed through some of the stages already, but one of the hardest parts of DBing is that pendulum. That ever swinging door. I have figured out that I am 2days up and 2days down. Today is day 2 of up for me...that means that tomorrow should be a bad one. Maybe I can ward it off by recognizing my pattern. It does give me comfort knowing that I have integrity, and loyalty figured out. I cannot imagine not having that... and that is what DBing gives us. My H also seems relieved that I am doing OK. (or so it might seem to him). I just have to continue to pray that he is really wondering if doing this is going to make him happy. When does the remorse and regret kick in? When does the "oh crap, I might really lose her and my family" kick in?? Hopefully soon cause I don't know how much more of this I can be strong for. In any case, I wish we could all meet up and have one big PITY party! It would be so much more helpful than logging off of here and still feeling alone Not to say this doesn't help...it does. I am so thankful for everyone here! Praying for us all.....
