Hi Sun- ( you may of left the boards, but just in case, just my 2 cents)
Just passing thru. Not been on the boards for a while, our "generation" of LB for lack of a better word lol have somewhat moved on and usually just check back here every once in a while. ( Keeping in touch now thru FB)

I joined the boards prob. gosh, 6 -1/2 yrs ago, 6 months after my ex up and left out of the blue the day before his 43rd b.day

I have read your posts and the fact I too have one S and he was your S age when my ex left so I somewhat relate.
Unlike your ex mine dragged his feet on the D, (coincidently yesterday was 3 yrs since our D was final!) He had an OW, but didnt move in w/ her till later and is not w/ her now

Reading your posts makes my eyes tear as its so new and raw for you, and unlike me, yours was so quick, that alone must be a shock to you, let alone them leaving but but yours making this new life so quick, and I am so sorry for your pain. (( Sun ))

Let me tell you this tho, I cant tell you what your ex will be like in the future-but mine and so many of our WA here are like yours in they were amazing men at one time, great fathers, thats what makes this even harder! If they were not such stand up men, this prob wouldnt be so alarming nor would it prob be as painful , who knows!
but mine too, very helpful around the house, manager of S's baseball/soccer teams, volunteered at school and church w/ us
brought me home flowers at least once a month, just a wonderful H and father.
He changed, so drastically, he almost morphed and looked different

Ok so 7 yrs next month, he left, now-just now, 7 yrs later he is just showing some semblance of the man he was.

We now can talk and laugh and joke, we go to dinner every so often when S is home from college-
he hit rock bottom a couple of months ago, losing his job( fired actually), a very good job, so he lost a lot, company car, company CC, a 6 digit income ( and I lost my alimony!)and it was something he did very very wrong- maybe part of the rock bottom

he broke up w/ OW last year, said he didnt love her either-(will admit, i smiled over that one, sorry but i'm human )

He has told me recently he is so sorry for the years he has lost w/ our S- and how he wants the closeness back w/ him- he now is going to T (finally!) and even visiting a preacher and .... praying!( when he left he told me he was agnostic,...whatever) says he prays for me and wants me to be able to keep my home. He is much more humble now- not the cocky , arrogant man who stood in the living room 7 yrs ago telling me, he wasnt happy and marriage was not his thing ( after 18 yrs of marriage!)

hes not perfect mind you! Still flakes at calling S when he says but much much better- he has always been financially supportive of him, but as we know , our kids need more, even our older adult children

He has taken trips w/ him this past year.
So I see the man I loved so many years ago- he has not said he is sorry for the pain he has caused me, but sorry for the stupid way he went about things. He may eventually

Now, I did not sit around for him,a few years ago I started dating, as I couldnt sit here anymore wondering,hoping- its a personal choice of course, and I didnt go out to meet anyone, just get on w/ my life- as " if he was never coming back"
I am engaged to a wonderful, terrific man who treats me with respect and love and I hope he feels the same ( think he does :))

People ask, would you of thought about trying again w/ ex if fiance wasnt in your life? and I say NO, no because of the fear it could happen again, and too much water under the bridge, I never thought I'd say that, after how hard I tried and standing for years- but I think I like the love I have w/ F now much more

So just a thought, I was like you, analyzing every little word and action from ex, and crying more tears then I thought a human could- was it a wasted time in my life? no, I needed to do it, and needed to feel that way to really appreciate what I have now
my wonderful partner and a amazing son who respects me, You really do appreciate the high of a new life when you have been in our situation

Just continue being a great mother to your S,let him see how strong you are, and how you can take that upper road whenever possible ( its the one thing my S, now 24 says, how he is amazed how well I treat his father now, when even he dosnt think he deserves it)not always easy I must say lol

please , please try to just move ahead as best you can - you can do it, if I can, anyone can! , let ex alone, he actually dosnt deserve you right now-and, you never know whats around the corner

Good Luck and hugs to you

Be Happy for this Moment,
This Moment is your Life