Let me ask this then. Should I ask her why she didn't go through with it and what her plan is or should I just remain silent and give her the space she wants while I try and form my own life?
Kevin
Don't ask her anything! You've answered your own question when you said "should I just remain silent and give her the space she wants while I try and form my own life." Don't just 'try'...do it. Give her plenty of time too...not just space!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
wth is wrong with you? Kevin are you serious? Are you kidding?
WTH??? Of COURSE YOU SHOULD SHUT UP AND STOP ASKING HER ANYTHING AT ALL AT ALL AT AT ALL ABOUT ANYTHING....
SHUT UP & STOP ASKING HER any questions at all...NOW do you get it?
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Her possible answers are 1) "Oh crap I forgot! I'll re-file tomorrow. 2) yeah I know, but since you WERE giving me some space I let it slide but now that you've proved AGAIN how needy and clingy you are and how you refuse to back off and give me the space I TELL YOU I NEED AND WANT FROM YOU, I'll go re-file as soon as it is convenient and the more you plague me with your needs the faster that will happen.
BACK OFF AND BE QUIET...God help me, Kevin you have to be the worst listener I have ever "met" or just plain stubborn or whacked out..or I don't know what... I think I have to quit coming here. You are making ME crazy.
j-
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 06/07/0911:42 PM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You have been focused on DIVORCE LOOMING for 14 threads now!! Perhaps if you have a new thread focusing on KEVIN MOVING ON this will help to change your perspective. If you only focus on DIVORCE LOOMING it will be like the sword of Damocles over your head. Easier said than done but it must be done.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Hey Kev, for yourself and your kids sake I hope you get all the help you desperately need and please read these posts over & over again as there is a wealth of terrific information here!! Maybe you should read about going dark as you really could use this tool to help you stop concentrating on your W.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
Rather than repeat myself again, I'll repost a shortened version of what I have said 56 times here.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Kev,
IF, and I repeat, IF, (b/c I think you revise history a lot) if you were truly unhappy before you met your w, during the M and are again now unhappy, you are a chronically depressed person. It's a medical and psychological condition that may have spiritual dimensions to it, depending on your viewpoint.
But it is a sickness, By definition. Nothing we post here will change that. You make the same mistakes over and over so it's clear that MY advice does not help b/c you ignore it. You "wondered" about inviting your wife last week to dinner/dominoes (??). We hammered the point that you cannot invite/pursue/pressure her and you backed off...for a day...! Then she told you that she does not like you now, thinks you won't give people space AND that you need to work on that. So...you invited her to dinner! Amazing. (and you THINK maybe the Div filing deadline being missed is a sign that she wants back in? Really?)
It's a waste of my time to post to you while you are not fixing the underlying problem ---which is your inability to be happy as a person. Period.
You think if you "work on you", that means "until w comes back" & you'll lose weight and do "filler activities" until her return. That's not GAL. Kev, you need more help than we can provide. If we could do it, by NOW with ALL this advice and time spent on you, you would not ask us "how to get my w back quickly". That question is almost a slap in the face after the times we've spent here telling you that this is not about getting her back. And no you are not "special" b/c you are so dependent on her. You are just needier and choosing to stay that way. NO I don't sense a mature type of love from you for her. I really don't. Your words, and the way you acted WHILE you were married to her and the way you are acting now WITH her, all I sense is desparate need. That's why I say you don't bring much to the table other than your needs.
I have loved my h since I was 19 y/o and we'll have our 28th anniversary next month. If he were to die, OR LEAVE ME, and we were to have another "episode", I would mourn his death or his choice, but I would eventually recover and be happy.
How can I say that? How could I possibly go on and be happy again? B/C I am a smart, fun, attractive and happy woman with a lot to give to this world and MAYBE to another man down the road. I have interests that have nothing to do with my h. A lot of them. Bungee jumping, theater, comedy, pottery, shooting, writing, etc. ALL of those interests are enjoyable and will exist with or without my h.
I believe that if God does not see my M as continuing for 4+ more decades, then he must have something else cool for me to find around the corner. I have my faith. [/u] ANYTHING HERE AT ALL THAT RESONATES WITH YOU?????
My pain would not be eternal and it would not be fatal. For some reason, you have chosen to stay miserable , letting your pain be eternal AND apparently fatal, emotionally speaking....or as CG so wisely implied, "you wish to remain blind" and won't get the glasses to see.
Get help Kevin. No more excuses. If you won't get help than even if your w did come back to you, she'd only leave you again b/c the fundamental problem and common theme here is that you are too needy b/c you don't know how to be happy. That is life's most basic skill. Get it now. GET THAT SKILL.
Good luck, J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You're lying to yourself. You were "unhappy" all your life? " (so every Christmas and your whole childhood sucked? You insult your parents with that...) Then you were happy when you "met her" b/c " she completed" you. Inexplicably, during the M, you "didn't appreciate her enough". then she wanted a divorce and now you are unhappy again..come on kev. "Never happy without her", and then happy with her in the M, but then....you "got complacent & didn't appreciate her enough...."
If that were true, why'd you self medicate with alcohol? Remember the drinking and fighting? She said you were a "functional alchoholic" and she was miserable in the M? Recall the well paying job you turned down and fobbed onto her, while you kept drinking...you ignored what she said she wanted from you until OM came into the picture and you chose to mishandle that info. HEY, I'm not rubbing it in your face to hurt you, but to say "get real." That is what happened when you were married. Does this all Sound like what a happy, or healthy man would do?
Your behavior has NOT been healthy behavior for YEARS, B/C IT'S called DEPRESSION, which is a medical condition that requires treatment. So far, You've self treated with alcohol, and your w, and MAYBE now this site, (??) as a crutch to SELF MEDICATE for your depression. The problem is not fixable with words here. You have to fix it with Professional help. Now.
**(Let me save you loads of time...NO KEVIN, YOU DON'T CONTACT YOUR W - at all - UNLESS, AND ONLY IF IT HAS TO DO WITH THE KIDS. NO EXCEPTIONS AND NO EXCUSES. VERY SIMPLE. Someone here will tell you when you are well enough to do or say more. If there's the slightest chance for a reconciliation it will be by you getting help and backing off big time now. But don't count on her coming back. Plan a happy life without her and get the help to know how to do that. WE KNOW you find it easier to focus on getting your W back, rather than addressing the real problem. It's much harder to bravely look within and ask, "Why am I not enough? What can I do to make my life a good one?" But you have to do it, Kev. And you need professional help to do this and that's reality Kevin. I'm sorry it terrifies you. WE all deal with reality every day even when it's VERY HARD OR VERY terrifying. And that is that.[/u] It's life. There are NO guarantees except those we create ourselves.
I guarantee that no matter what my h does, I will be alright for all the reasons I posted earlier. [color:#000099]That's b/c I am in charge of my happiness. And you are in charge of your misery Kevin. I'm done enabling you to stay stuck. You know how to Find me so when you change something in your life & I'll root for you big time. Til then, good luck. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
