Hopeful, I feel EXACTLY the same, right down to the we were the couple no one thought this would happen to.
I would never (and never have) cross the line of physical violence towards W, but I can understand how it could happen. Certainly never would condone it.
I was in a "hate" mood last night and this morning. For the same reasons you mention - I made a vow to God to love this woman no matter what, I have a conscience, and I do not want my family ripped apart. Part of the frustration is that W gets to choose whether or not to tear apart our family. She's actually convinced herself the kids will be alright because we are "going to be great friends." Maybe..one day. Not any time soon.
I may one day be able to forgive W for what I think she will do, but I do not know that I will ever be able to forgive THE WAY she will do it - I know I did not tell you I was unhappy, I know I did not tell you I was in counseling for myself for 6 months before I dropped the bomb, and will not even discuss reconciliation, much less counseling (even though W admits she does not understand all the reasons for her feelings). All of this screams for counseling, but she is as confident and sure of her decision as I have ever seen.
