He doesn't have anything against the kids personally. He just likes living alone. He's ok with d because she is always out of the house giving us a lot of privacy but my s is a homebody and likes to stay at home so he is always underfoot. S likes his privacy too so in that way they are the same.
I think H real issue is that he has always done what he likes without a care in the world. Accomodating to others'needs is not something he has much experience with doing and it does get to me sometimes because he is the same with me. His way or no way. AA sponsors are working on this one big time with him, to break down the isolating behavior and start thinking of others vs being so self centered.
Most of the time it doesn't bother me so much because I am easy to get along with and pretty much take care of myself, and let others have their own way because I am not picky. Use to be and gave it up when the kids came along.
I am not moving them out because of him - d is going to live on campus, and s is moving to his father's for two reasons: 1) I can't afford to support him and his father can, and 2)he is having some problems adjusting to adulthood, had a rocky R with his dad who wants a chance to work on it. Both agreed without any second thoughts. If s can make more money, he might move in with a friend instead because he really does want to be on his own.
When we lived together, H used to give my d rides when she missed the bus in the morning, or would encourage them to invite friends over for cookouts, give them money to go out once in a while and helped them out in getting presents for me. If he had the money, he would give them anything they wanted - he can be very generous. He was also an advocate for them when I got stubborn and he liked taking them out to dinner once in a while. So, his complaint is kind of hard to understand - I just know it isn't personal - its weird. That is why I don't like arguing or talking about it with him because he really is ok with it all, he just doesn't like having an audience - I think it is either a male thing or and introvert thing, or maybe a step parent thing. He is just as uncomfortable when staying at his son's home for a few days. I had to explain to his son that his father wasn't unhappy, just uncomfortable not being in his own bed. By theway, he didn't raise his own sons because he couldn't deal with them at the time. Now they have a good R.
What I am trying to sort out is whether we really are a bad match, or we just need sober time to adjust to living in the real world. I can say that he has been unhappy with me most of the time, but then he was drinking all the time. Now that he has to deal with things without turning to alcohol, he is experiencing some bad days. I just wish he would stop seeing me as the enemy and trust me.
This whole episode got started because I found out that his IC was not happy about it, and then discovered that he wasn't talking to his sponsor about it because of the AA rules about the first year an all. I want him to have a good sobreity, I don't want him moving back home and falling back into old patterns. He can't see that right now - he just thinks I don't want him. It's frustrating.
