IF, and I repeat, IF, (b/c I think you revise history a lot) if you were truly unhappy before you met your w, during the M and are again now unhappy, you are a chronically depressed person.
Period. By definition. Nothing we post here will change that. You make the same mistakes over and over so it's clear that MY advice does not help b/c you ignore it. You "wondered" about inviting your wife last week to dinner/dominoes (Super fun for a woman who is taking shooting lessons, I'm sure). We hammered the point that you cannot invite/pursue/pressure her and you backed off...for a DAY! Then she told you that she does not like you now, thinks you won't give people space AND that you need to work on that. So...you invited her to dinner! Amazing.
It's a waste of my time to post to you while you are not fixing the underlying problem which is your inability to be happy as a person. Period. That's a depressive person who needs to think differently (called "cognitive therapy" and you need behavioral help too but I'm not qualified to assess all of this) and probably needs the meds if they are the right ones, will help too. That will be trial and error and you'll have to trust that you can figure it out and help your doctor and therapist with it. IN other words, just b/c your w does not return to you, does not mean the meds are not working.
You only grasp the superficial. You think if you work on you, that means "until w comes back" & you'll lose weight and do "filler activities" until her return. That's not GAL. Kev, you need more help than we can provide. If we could do it, by NOW with ALL this advice and time spent on you, you would not ask us "how to get my w back quickly". It's almost a slap in the face. You cannot do 24 hours without talking about her (did you do it one time?) and you won't do the 100 days without telling her AGAIN that you need/miss/want her....and by the way, no, I don't sense a mature type of love from you for her. I really don't. I sense desparate need. That's why I say you don't bring much to the table other than your needs.
I have loved my h since I was 19 y/o and we'll have our 28th anniversary next month. If he were to die, OR LEAVE ME, and we were to have another "episode", I would mourn his death or his choice, but I would eventually recover and be happy.
How can I say that?B/C I am a smart, fun, attractive and happy woman with a lot to give to this world and MAYBE to another man down the road. I have interests that have nothing to do with my h. A lot of them. ALL of those interests will exist with or without my h. I have friends and hobbies and causes I care a great deal about so I'm making a contribution to the world completely apart from my h.I believe that if God does not see my M as continuing for 4+ more decades, then he must have something else cool for me to find around the corner. I have my faith. I have 3 healthy children whom I love dearly AND siblings who make me laugh and I am lucky enough to have only lost one parent. I have lost 3 family members in the past 15 months and my mil is dying of cancer that has spread to her brain. But I'm inwardly content. So yes, I'd be happy again. My pain would not be eternal and it would not be fatal. For some reason, you have chosen to stay miserable or as CG so wisely implied, "you wish to remain blind" and won't get the glasses to see.
The woman I know who is most the inwardly content woman I have ever known, lost her older brother when he drove all night to make it to her 16th b-day party. Her beautiful 5 y/o has juvenile diabetes and her baby daughter died at 4 months of age of a respiratory infection. I told her, "OMG, if I lost a child, (let alone the other stuff) I'd see life as a painting with a big stain on it and it'd never look beautiful again". (we were at a workshop that changed my life, for the record.) She said she sees life as a tapestry so that when you step back you can see it's beauty and texture, and only when you stand too close staring at the one bad part, do you focus only on the negative. Step way back. Get a grip.
Get help Kevin. No more excuses. If you won't get help than even if your w did come back to you, she'd only leave you again b/c the fundamental problem and common theme here is that you are too needy b/c you don't know how to be happy. That is life's most basic skill. Get it now.
Good luck, J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
