Its Sunday and I have all my stuff in my apartment. I thought I would be relieved.......but, am not....there is just so much to go thru and the apartment is a mess and I am exhausted.
Made a mistake today. Called H bc couldn't find the remote control. Of course he did not pick up, but called in a couple hours. He has it. Says he will bring it when he comes. Now he says he will be coming a week later than he originally had intended....can't seem to get the days off of work. It made me feel so insignificant! Our M is and has been on the back seat for so long and even now, he just continues with the same.
I slept about 3 hours last night and then have been unpacking boxes since. I really was tired when I was talking to him. But he was happy and surprised I got here in one piece...without an accident. I have to return the truck on Monday, but barring some unfortunate weird event, I think I did just fine. I was fishing for a compliment.......I did not get one.
We chatted a bit generally and then I asked why he is continueing to move every 6 weeks from job to job. He said he does not know what he wants to do. So, I said, "why not just take a permanent job for a year or two and figure out what you want instead of moving from place to place trying to do the same. I told him it would make life a little more stable for him. He said "Its true, I've been thinking about that actually". He said he has been in psychotherapy...and I said,"Well, I think you need some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to challenge some of your core concepts! He was surprised by that suggestion and did not respond except to say I sound like I have been doing some reading. I said "I have been".
We spoke about other stuff and it was normal. And then, I said "Are you really leaving me?" There was big silence. He said, " We will talk about it when I come there." I knew it was a mistake when it came out of my mouth.....but, well, it was out. Nothing I could do. I did not say anything else, but just changed the subject. We spoke for 35 min and hung up on a good note.
I called him back a couple hours later to tell him that I would appreciate it if he came when he originally said he was coming, bc I have alot of things going on the week he is talking about now. He said he will try. I said ok, have a good day. And hund up.
When will this maddness end? It is really hard to go dark for me, obviously. Its like I am watching myself sabotage my M. Its so infuriating. How do people go dark? Any suggestions would be welcomed.
Traveldane, I will read your sitch today when I am in a better frame of mind...thank you following and responding to my sitch. Our sitch sound very similar. It sounds like you have a handle on yourself though. Its wonderful. I am not sure about the filing of D papers....if he says he has......then, he would have to bring you those papers and have you sign a document stating that you were served the D papers...............otherwise, police knock on your door and serve you with papers. Either way, you will know soon enough, if he files.
