Divorce looming #14

[K4D]

I did read the books over the Christmas holidays. I actually found DR to be more appropriate than DB.

If my W died I'd be devastated. But I would have to move forward. I have 2 kids that would need me more than ever. I would have to rebuild. Eventually I would start dating again.

The difference between a S dying and walking away or having an A in my case and walking away is that when they die, you can at least be at peace with things. When they have an A and walk away, you are still having to live with the ultimate betrayal that never seems to go away.

I don't feel like I can move forward. And no, I wasn't happy before I met her. I simply got by. I did things to occupy my time but I always felt like something was missing until I met her. It was like she completed me. But then I became unhappy again because I didn't appreciate what I had in her. Now I realize how much I should have appreciated her. And now I would give anything to have that opportunity back to show her and prove to her how special she is to me and how much I do truly appreciate her.

I wanted a W so bad and I screwed it up when I got one. Now she is gone and shopping for someone else while getting a life. I'm still committed to her. But I just haven't figured out how to get a life without her that I can enjoy. I'm not sure what I enjoy. I have never really enjoyed anything without her. Now I don't want to do the stuff that we used to do together because it reminds me of her. So I am trying to figure out what do I enjoy. And I don't know. I enjoyed her and I didn't treat her like I should have.

There has to be some way to act fast and get her interested in me again. But it has to be about making me happy without her to have any chance of her coming back. And I do wonder why she didn't finish the D. But you are probably right in that there probably is no reason. Thats hard to imagine. But it is probably the truth.

Today my kids go back to their mom for the week. I will see them Wednesday night for dinner and then next Sunday night again.

Kevin