Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Journaling....

Well it has been a quiet weekend, but I feel ok with that. Well I'd love to be busy socially and out having a great time, I am also kind of enjoying time to 'decompress' on my own. It has given me a lot of time to think about things and to relax and rest up.

I have been reading the book The Five Love Languages that everyone was recommending around here. It has given me a lot to look at. After reading, I could almost immediately guess what my LL was, however I find it quite sad that I was so unsure what H's is. I am sure this was a huge problem for us that I never realized. I have a few guesses, but don't know how far off base I am with them and don't know how to find that out. I also was a little surprised to see what my 2nd LL was after answering the questions in the book, I guess I didn't realize just how important it was to me until I looked back.

So with the week starting tomorrow, I'm feeling quite sure H will follow through on his several messages and comments about wanting to meet up at the beginning of the week. I do want to see him, I just don't even know where to start when I do??

H has been sending more emails/texts recently wishing me a good week and other friendly things, maybe I should be making more of an opportunity to use these times H 'reaches out' to me? if that is what he is doing?? I feel like I have backed off so much now in contact with him that I don't know what to say.

I obviously am not going to bring up OW or anything to do with that, eventho I think he part expects it. I guess I have still been torn between thinking if H deserves to have me as a friend/part of his life right now considering he is pursuing R with OW.

But then I have been reading the thread this weekend about how (and if) to be friends with WAS and I can see some good points there.

I guess at the end of the day I have to think, what do I want? I do want to be friendly with H regardless, but I also want respect. Is there a way to do both? I'm not sure. But I would love to hear any suggestions, thoughts or input out there.