dont think about that OW! well ok - you have to a bit. I ADMIT you have to a bit, I did. try this: set yourself say, 10 minutes during the day/night, where you will allow yourself to THINK about OW. any other time.. off limits. you can ONLY think of her, during this 10 minutes. try to make this 10 minutes a time when you are doing something nice, - maybe a morning shower or a bath? you can think of her then: rest of the day, its YOUR time and all thoughts of her must be BANISHED!!!! well this worked for me anyhow. Now I no longer need my 10 minutes! (i am a little weird tho.) I just got sick of her being in my mind alllll the time so i decided to 'box' her up in my mind. made me feel, i dunno, more in control.
I hope you feel better about everything really soon, but, it does take time, and as i said to you before, sometimes 'saving' a marriage becomes almost obsessive. knowing that doesnt actually HELP as such, but knowing it can give you a measure of armor? help you cope? help you know that, when your feeling lost and directionless, you tend to grab hold of a GOAL, and your GOAL becomes all you think about, it consumes you, bc your too scared to look outside at life...
it does pass but a natural passing is better so getting thru it on your own time, with the tools that you have, is being compassionate to your soul and a balm to your spirit. being kind to yourself is about the best thing you can do. try to think kind loving thoughts every day, about you. like as in, "I am very good at >>>> Im glad of that" or "I am a loving person, which is why I feel in so much pain over this". we spend way too much 'beating' ourselves up. positive, loving self thoughts, to brighten yourself up, are important. if you catch yourself thinking, "im such a loser I cant stop thinking about him" CHANGE that thought to "thats true but its because I am a loving person I feel that way. I am getting stronger every day".
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
