I know of course in theory you are exactly right, and it does hurt me bc I DO want to be 'the better person' and I DO want to be the forgiving one etc. Who doesnt? of course I want all that, and I want it to be so.
but I am human and yes still deeply in anger at my H's family as sorry, but I cant forgive or condone an entire FAMILY pretending incest didnt happen in their midst - it was COMPLETELY wrong and she was 17 years OLD he was 40 with three kids!
I am still getting OVER the shock - but not of H! im OVER that beleive me. Im still getting OVER the shock of an ENTIRE FAMILY being that screwed UP.
i cannot allow my children to ever have a thing to do with them - they are all toxic and weird and wrong and I will NEVER utter a word positive to my kids about them, and yea I freely admit, I would go OFF if I found out my kids had a thing to do with any of them. ANY. They are WRONG. They are ILLEGAL. they are IMMORAL.
to make my story EVEN WORSE, this neice he had it off with was also raped at 11 years old and had a child at 15.
forgiveness is not in my reportoire here.
ALL I can hope to do is try to realise im never going to understand it. bc I wasted two years of my life nearly going CRAZY trying to understand it, and trying to understand how his family could condone his actions. My sich really IS abusive. her parents ALLOWED this and ENCOURAGED this in their own home under their roof.
and yes I know mental help would have helped. When one cannot afford mental help one gets it the best they can. but its INTRINSIC to me that I instil in my children this is not a normal family and that their father did NOT make a "normal" mistake. LOOK: I tried to overlook the first episode? thinking he'd gone nuts? but he went back and hes still back. NOW its no longer a mistake - its now a LIFESTYLE CHOICE. I wont let my kids ever think that choice is forgivable - it isnt.
this is simething little talked about and hard to help. forgiveness is awesome but we ALL have to have a line of moral and legal decency - and I have drawn mine. my MIL will never over my dead body get her lying little ways and voice into my kids heads. this is NOT an ok situation nor one to say 'he made a mistake'. nope, he made a CHOICE. she lives in denial over that choice... tough.
thats why i suffer so much terror thinking of them and so much horror he'll ever come back - on one hand i am very catholic and want to forgive but on the other hand im not going to condone a middle aged man having it off with his brothers school kid daughter under his very roof and being OK with that.
NOT ok.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
