PM Thread #6 - New Life for Number1 - Me

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Lola,

Good luck with your h's band's gig. I am with you in spirit!

Thx Karen.

I have been working so hard to stay calm but these talks are getting to me as I do not like confrontations myself but have to stand up for myself now.

So H dropped off our tax papers and wanted me to sign something. I told him I will after I read them. Well, I read them and had some questions to ask him as I was not family with some of the income sources. I was annoyed but I was careful to choose words that were not accusatory but more like, 'May I have all the papers, please?' and 'I don't have all the information and I think I need to understand this more. ' But his replies were on the attack, 'Your tone sounds very accusatory.' 'I am not trying to hide anything here.'

So I was using 'I' statements and he was totally using 'you' statments. I tried to keep calm and avoided the verbal traps he wanted to engage me in. In the past I would have just stepped into those traps and tried to defend myself of what he is accusing me. But this time I stayed on track and demanded that he explain some of the things in the tax forms.

I know that I have matured and learned a lot more about myself. I also learned how our dynamic was basically me not seeing the traps he set for me. I don't know WHY he thought I would just sign papers without asking questions. I said, 'You said I could ask questions and I am asking them now. I want to understand these forms and I don't have all the information. I would appreciate it if you can give me a complete list of what I need to know. Not just assets but also life insurance policies and such just in case anything happened to either you or me. I need to know these things.'

He finally relented and said that we can sit down and go through them. Good. But it's been a few hours and I still am mad at him. I am mad that he is making the assumption that I would completely trust him unconditionally. And that if I don't, then there is something wrong with me because he has been on the up and up.

You all know how ridiculous this attitude is. But I did not engage in this argument as I thought he is so out of touch that it was useless. I am thinking, 'Why would he think that he was trustworthy? He's the one who has been lying and cheating and doing god knows what. I also just found out he lied to the kids saying that he is working this Sunday when he definitely IS NOT.

He also told the kids that he didn't have a phone line in his place yet. But then he calls me from his home phone to talk abt the taxes. He admits he did wrong for not telling them right away.

Also, I asked him several times to give me the biopage of his passport but he did not after several times. I don't know if this is MLC or not, I am just sick of dealing with this loser and can't wait to get his toxicity out of my life.

I can't wait to move home. I SO made the right decision!