WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

It was a pretty good day with the boys, although they really pushed it when it came to going to bed.

We went bowling in the morning. We had a really good time.

My wife called us in the middle of it. Out of habit, I answered it. I gotta break that habit. She told me that a local ice cream place was giving out free ice cream between 12 and 5. I maintained a very upbeat and positive game face on during the entire call. I thanked her and then the boys talked to her. My 3 year old passed me back the phone. She said that she saw the ad late last nite, but didn't want to call that late.

This is where I know I slipped up. I should have just thanked her again and hung up, but wound up saying I was up pretty late last nite, so if something comes up late at nite, don't be worried about calling. DUH! Could that be any more needy/pursuing that that?!?!?!

I did manage to pull it back and say have a great day and ended the call.

She wound up texting me a little while later. I waited about 25 minutes to answer back. She then sent another one. I looked at it and decided there wasn't any response required so I didn't answer it.

Anyway, after bowling I made lunch while the boys played outside. While my 3 year old took his nap, I got to spend some one on one time with my 7 year old playing video games. After my 3 year old woke up, he asked about baking a cake. He did that last Weds at school, so he wanted to do it again.

I had never done that with them before so I figured what the heck, how hard could it be. We went to the store to pick out a cake mix and the stuff that went into it. The three of us made it together and while it baked in the oven, we all played in the yard. When it was done, I let the boys put the icing on it while I made dinner. I think almost 1/2 of the icing actually made it to the cake. It was a good time.

There were a few low moments during the cake baking though. My 7 year old asked why we weren't using the mixer that mommy usually used. I just said we were just using what we got. He just said oh and I heard him say to the 3 year old that mommy took it. This happened again for a couple of other things too (i.e. cake pan, icing knife, etc.) I tried not let it get me down.

The kids ate their dinner really quickly to try and get to dessert. They both said it was the best cake ever. I think that was the highlight of the day.

After baths, we played for a bit, read some books, and watched a video. It was about 30 minutes past their bed time before I actually put them to bed. We were having such a good time, I didn't want it to end as my wife is picking them up tomorrow morning.

My wife hadn't called up to that point and last time she talked to them in the morning, she had said that she didn't need to talk to them twice in the day, so we hadn't called her. When I put my boys to bed, after the needing water, then bathroom stall tactics, my 3 year old said he needed to tell mommy something. I told them that it was really late and we need to get to bed. We're going to call mommy, but no more messing around.

I was actually worried that she wouldn't be home, and the boys (and I) would be down because of it.

We called and I let the boys say hello and start talking. At the end, I did say good bye.

Now the kids are in bed.

I'm mulling over how I had gotten annoyed with boys' last stall tactic of wanting to tell mommy something. I had really gotten annoyed. Not sure if it was that I thought they were messing around or if it was because they asked to talk to her (first time ever). Perhaps I'm over analyzing it. Who knows.

So it now concludes week 7 since she moved out and 5 months since she told me she filed for divorce.

I still want her back but I know I will be still survive and thrive without her. It still hurts and I'm a little worried about tomorrow. Most of my buddies are out of town. There is one that's around this weekend, but I had seen them last Sun and Tues as well. I'm worried about wearing out my welcome so I'm hoping I'll be able to keep it together so I don't have to bug them again.

I was actually doing fine until they asked to talk to her. Why did it bug me that much?!?!

This is crap, but I'm still ok for now.