Don't Let Them Eat Cake

[In Limbo]

Dawn and Forever,
Thanks so much for your perspectives. I've decided to take another night and think about this before taking any action. Today was a difficult day. H was in a very grumpy, angry mood with both me and the kids. When he acts like he did today (verbally abusive to the kids) I want to choke him. I'm wondering if something has happened with OW as I've read alot about that affecting their moods and have seen it happen in the past. I have to say that I did not DB very well today as I was just plain ticked at his behavior. If he had been "just a friend" I would have called him on it. But as an MLCer, I knew it would do no good. It just kills me when the boys say "why is Dad so mean?"

So tonight I'll think and pray and try to renew myself for tomorrow. What kills me most is why I still want him after all this. I just want to make it all go away, but know that's fairy tale and not going to happen.

It probably doesn't sound like it from my posts b/c I tend to focus on the negative and on H, but I have found myself growing through this. I'm reconnecting with friends and laughing and enjoying life probably more than before all this. It's sort of a wake up call for someone like me who has made myself a wife and mother first and lost so much of myself. People keep telling me how great I look these days and I think that's a great compliment considering what I'm going through.

You guys hang in there and stay strong! People like you posting their sitches, thoughts, etc. have helped me tremendously. I know that whatever way this ends up, I'll be ok. May not be the life I had pictured, but God won't give me more than I can handle and the sun will shine on my future for sure.

Take Care!