confused.....want to do something.....

[traveldane]

Hi orchid,

wanted to reply and say that I've followed your sitch. I am a newcomer here and just starting posting. You sitch has so many similarities to mine and its so helpful to hear about someone going through such similar thoughts, ups and downs, and who knows the hurt of it all.

Like you, my H and I have no kids. I am also in the process of moving myself to a new city to start a new job and GAL best I can, while he continues to "work on his issues, find himself, because he doesn't want to be responsible for/to me or a marriage at this time". Blah blah blah. In my case, there is an OW and an EA (her refers to her as a good friend, but of course I assume the worst that there is PA and he is lying a ton). He tells me he wants to work on his "screwed up emotions" and learn to live and be responsible for his self and just be alone right now. Whatever.

Like you, I felt I needed to show him my independence, packed up our house, except for his immediate personal belongings which he came and moved to his new apartment later, and drove my own moving truck. He called the day of to see if I needed help with the truck, like he couldn't believe I could drive it my self, and I calmly said that at this point I had already made other arrangements. He was pissed when he found out some mutual friends were helping me lift boxes and said, "great, so I look like the a**h*le". I just shrugged, as if to say, "if the shoe fits...".

Anyway, so I am staying with family for a week of R&R, will move into my new place next week. We are currently in a NC place, and I am doing my best to stay dark and not contact him. He is the king of shutting people out...like your H he has shut out all friends and family too and I am worried, but am learnig that that is his deal, he must sort it out for himself.

Of course I daily freak out...how can I DB from afar? Is he happier now that I will be gone from our home city? Does he miss or think about me at all? It hurts when I wake up and is so lonely in the evening.And of course all other times too.

But I am doing my best with GALing and just trying to get through each day. In our last conversation, H stated that he had obtained the D paperwork and was planning to file it. I am sick to know if he did or not, he has been saying he thought he should for months but if he actually has the paper work now...

still, like Stuck says, its paper. but none the less, its hurts to know they are taking those steps.

trying my very best to back off and work on me. Doing and trying to do many of the same things you are. I also am trying to join a book club :-)

I also am missing him, my H, his individual personality, and also my marriage and all the dreams and plans we had together.

Check out my sitch on newcomers board if you want. Warning, its a really long 1st post, sorry. But regardless, know that I am right here with you, hoping for the best (reconciliation and a better, stronger marriage) but planning for the worst, but also for my own personal best life, with our without him.

XXOO Traveldane