Thanks for your advice and support. I seem to have a lot of the women on the board rooting for me! I'm really touched.
I know what you mean about the confidence thing. Although I'm doing better and better, my confidence still goes up and down. The highs and lows keep getting higher though. Try to remember you are not defined by how your H sees you, or acts around you. It's very hard, I know, but it is true.
That is a very insightful idea you offer. It does make sense. We were married for a long time, and we got very "regimented" in our roles and attitudes towards each other. I'm exploring being someone else around my W, but I'm really motivated to do it, that's my goal. She may only now be feeling that pull away from our old roles into something new. Maybe it was her seeing me do it that brought it out in her.
I never thought about it in such obvious terms, but absolutely, there is WAY more spark between us when the kids aren't around. Three little kids tend to dominate any situation they are in, and we're stuck in our roles managing them as mommy and daddy. It was our failure to take time to shed those roles that led us to where we are. When I approached my W at the grocery store, the kids all ran up to her and she was totally in mommy role. It makes sense that she would associate that with our old roles in our M, and get very distant from me.
One more thing I forgot to mention before. The bar where we met that night has another meaning. Last year when we were really struggling to see if we could get our M into a better place, we were trying to get some time alone away from the kids. One of the times we went out just the two of us was when we went to that bar and got beer and wings. We had a great time, better than we had had in a long time, and we felt that little spark. I didn't know it at the time, but she had already started her EA with OM, so the deck was very stacked against me, and no matter what I did I could not get that spark to grow into a flame. However, last fall when my W told me she was leaving, and we talked over many things, one of the things I said was that I was sad because I felt like we were friends again after a long time of not feeling that way, and now she wants to leave. She agreed we were friends again, and she said it was that night at the bar when we found our friendship again.
You do make a good case that she planned that night. I'd like to think so, but I'm not sure. I do think it's meaningful that she picked that place to go that night, and she invited me to meet her there.
She texted me first thing this morning asking how my basketball game went, which was nice. I'm encouraged knowing she's thinking about me. It's a beautiful day here, and I'm struggling wondering what she and the kids are doing. My parents have left, and the house feels particularly empty. Got work to do around the house, going for a run later with a friend, and got plans for tonight. Life goes on.
