I guess I was feeling a little frusturated with the whole MIL thing. I don't screw up on purpose. I just let my emotions get the better of me at times. I read all the posts.
This is exactly why you need C'ing ASAP. You do not own the proper emotional tools to manage your frustrations in a productive way. You do not own the proper emotional tools to manage your outburts of emotions when it comes ot your W. You keep making these same mistakes because you have not found the appropriate, proper and healthy outlet to learn how to move forward and deal with frustrations and emotional outbursts. It will take months and months of "training" with a C to even begin to obtain these tools but it is possible and in your case, necessary. You allow your frustrations and emotional outbursts to guide you and all that does is guide you to a very bad and "stuck" place.
W did go off to lunch. We talked again later. I knew better than to ask where she was off to. I actually had a motive behind that one. I don't usually ask. But I was wondering if she was going to go down to the court house since she was leaving early. Thats why I asked.
Ulterior motives = manipulation. Its hard to understand how you say you love your W so much but most of the exchanges you have with her involve some form of manipulation on your part. You can speculate until you are blue in the face if she will be going down to the court house but its a waste of time, energy and emotion. And once again it puts all the focus on your W and not you.
No, apparently none of it was attractive to her. I don't know why I pursued it. It was stupid of me.
Again, you pursued her AGAIN because you have not obtained the proper tools to detach, become your own person, manage your frustration/pain, emotional outbursts or expectations when it comes to your W. You have not obtained the tools to clear your head space of all things about your W and begin filling it with all things Kevin. Medicine will not help you do that. Counseling (and a true dedication to it) is the only way to get on that path.
You are right. She did give me golden info. I should have taken it and left it at that.
Yup, you should have. And because you did not do that there is a chance any further "golden info" will not be shared because when you do get the info, you dont use it to change the dynamic so why would your W keep bothering? Nothing changes and eventually it becomes a huge waste of her time. Why? Because I am stupid.
No, what you are is terribly, terribly resistant to getting C'ing and obtaining the tools you need to move forward with your life. Note, I did not say "move on" but move FORWARD. You can say you dont have the money, nobody calls you back for free services and blah, blah, blah... but if you really wanted to, you would find a way. I asked you a few days ago for a detailed list of possible ways for you to get C'ing and even offered additional suggestions along with the ones I posted a few weeks ago. So far I dont see that list. Why? Because its easier to wallow and say how stupid you are rather than CHANGE it for YOU. Right now your W is a lost cause and so are you. Your W might always be a lost cause but you? You being a lost cause is only something you can decide.
And AGAIN you texted your W this morning (more pursuit) about a subject she already made perfectly clear she did not want to discuss with you anymore. How is that going to take away tension... you pursued her, didnt give her space and brought up a subject she didnt want to talk about. Explain to me how that will relieve tension? IMO you just added more and again disrespected her constant pleas for space.
