Trying to detach from the madness!

[Startingover2]

A bittersweet day for me today. I think the next few weeks are going to be that way. My second daughter turns 18 today! She also graduates from high school next friday. She has been my challenging child personality wise. I love her to death and we have a much better relationship now than we did a few years ago but it hasn't been easy.

Now that she is 18 she will be pushing the limits with me. I just know it. She already has been asking if she still has a curfew etc. UGGH!

Only heard from exh once yesterday. He sent a friend invite for FB. I know he is flirting with women on there...why in the heck would I want to see that?

[Startingover2]

Today is not my day mentally.

One of my longtime best friends who is only one year older than me had a stroke a few days ago! At 45! Its the friend who had the 25th anniversary party a few weeks ago that I was stress about going to. They just found that she has a brain aneurysm. She has an awesome and loving husband and 4 great kids.

Has me thinking and sad. What if that were me? I know my kids would be there, but I wouldn't have a husband by my side. My older kids would be fine if I died, but what would happen to baby? She would end up with exh! I told my sister yesterday that if something happened to me I would want my family to fight for baby. Make sure she is safe.

[blindsided1]

SO2, it is very common to have thoughts about your own mortality and what will become of your kids...especially when you are feeling somewhat down...as you have been. But, try to look at it another way....instead of worrying about what if. Think about what is!!! You never know when your time is going to come. Why waste a moment of that precious time putting up with your H's $hit? Getting involved in the drama? Worrying about his life and how he is going to act and how he is going to feel and how he is going to treat you? I'm not intending this to be a 2 X 4. But, these are things I tell MYSELF...daily. Why waste any time on bull$hit.

Love yourself, love your kids, love your life..in that order. Fake it till you make it, if you have to. There are gonna be hard day...no doubt. But, you will come out of them and it will get easier and easier.

Last night MIL's best friend asked me how I was doing? I said, "I was doing great". I wasn't. But, after saying that...I thought...yes, I am, actually.

Happy Birthday to your girl. Amazing how fast they grow up. Don't let a minute pass you by or waste away.

Love you.

[kassie]

SO2,

My d turned 18 in Dec and started testing the limits but it only lasted a month. We also have a challenging R but she seems to be mellowing out and using her maturity to be mature.

I send my greeting for a great BD for your d.

Again I have to ditto what B said. You are really doing well, just lonely. But it won't always be that way.

I saw what you said on V post about the erratic behavior of your exh and it was most of what I experienced with my H. It was just the A talking all the time. He tells me now that it was all about wanting to drink and seeing our R getting the way of his drinking. Don't take it personally.

[Startingover2]

So exh missed his Friday visit but came this morning. I was doing some paperwork at the table and he was playing with baby in the other room. Stupid him left his phone sitting on the table by me! It started vibrating while I was doing paperwork. It was a text from the married woman. YUCK! He is such a bigtime loser! God, I really think he is the most disgusting piece of trash. I was so tempted to look at it, but I didn't.

I could hardly speak to him when he was here. I avoided everything.

He makes me so sick.

[Startingover2]

I have no tongue left. He is texting me about how he hates his life.

Please.

[kassie]

I could use some help on my sitch.

[Startingover2]

Exh went off on me today via text message. I was ignoring him and he was saying I should speak up if I want to work on things....I couldn't take it any longer.

I sent: "I want an honest husband. Can you be that? Nope. I bet you are still up to the same old sh**. Sneaky, wrong, and most likely immoral. Alot of innocent people will be hurt."

Yes, I was in a round about way talking about his married woman. I don't care. He is pond scum. Since I have seen those little carsets in her car I know she has little babies. How can he blow up a marriage like that?

He must have freaked and started texting about what I supposedly know. I didn't actually put that I know, but was hinting because of past history. Even without knowing about married woman everything I said was true. He sent 5 texts asking what I think I know. I never responded.

Then he sent "well, coach is honest, but at least I am not a control freak like you." Me? a control freak? Yeah, I guess wanting a sober, faithful husband made me a control freak. He then sent that 4 more times because I wasn't answering.

Haven't heard from him in a few hours.

[Startingover2]

I am struggling again. Since I saw that text from the married woman I have backslid alot. My daughter also came home again and said that her car was at his house again. I don't want to tell my daughter not to say anything to me. She gets ticked off at it too and I try and react like its no big deal, but it cuts like a knife.

Exh has treated us like crap. He used us. He was mean and horrible. I stood by him when I shouldn't have. He was emotionally abusive and I took it for a long time becuase I loved him.

Yesterday's conversation sent me for a loop. How can he say I was a control freak? I bowed down to him all the time. I gave him chance after chance. His bootmark is still on my forehead.

I understand he is baby's father. He makes me sick and honestly I would rather he just went away. His little 30 minute visits do nothing but inflate his stupid ego. Then he has the nerve to say that I think he is a bad father and how it hurts his feelings. I never said that. He is projecting.

I am sick of being alone. I am sick of hurting. I am sick of the same old crap. This is so not what I thought my life would be like.

[Startingover2]

Journaling:

I saw this on an A related website. Thought I needed to post it here.

"Does he feel regret? I think much depends on who the addict is and where he is in his addiction. But the familiar story of many addicts is this:

As long as the addict is getting what he wants, as long as it is fun for him to be with a woman, as long as it's all about his appetite for pleasure being served, then he will indeed be warm, loving, fun, attentive and intoxicated with us. He will call you his angel, the woman of his dreams, his sun and moon, his destiny. He will pledge never to let you go.

The reality is: addicts are utterly and absolutely selfish. An addict does not care about you, will not sacrifice for you, and will not tolerate being made the least bit uncomfortable by your needs which might interfere with his pleasure agenda.

The moment you start laying mature relationship boundaries, he will cut you off--he will cut his feelings off--in a split second. AND NOT REGRET IT. Because his goal in life is all about being a predator.....which is why he soon finds another woman or picks up a new drug or moves to Hawaii or buys a pleasure boat.......because life has to be FUN for the guy or he is out of there.

This is typical behavior of addicts in early and middle addiction while they are still puffed up and grandiose and absolutely convinced that they should not have to put up with any of your sh**.

And then there are addicts who have reached the final stages of their addiction and the balloon has burst, they know they have failed in every part of their life, they know, now, they have destroyed their families, their wives, their children, and there is no more blame in them. There is only the sick acceptance that they have decimated every person who loved them, and all they have left now is the drug, which no longer gets them high, but which is still all they have left. These addicts pray that the drug will remove the profound feelings of REGRET which haunt them morning to night."