Hopeful: I'm just saying that sometimes doing the opposite of instinct will get you some interesting results, when you say you did everything wrong that was pure instinct, you did what your heart told you to. I also did many of the same things as you:
I begged, I pleaded, I cried ALOT, I cried just to get her to comfort me, I cried & begged her to hug me & "just fake it" to calm me down, I got pissed off & told her she was weak for holding all of her feelings in until she destroyed our family.
Last night I fell down in a major way, I came home in a crappy mood, I should have just drove for another half hour to try to shake it, but oh no I had to share the misery. After an hour and a half long R talk instigated by me I had finally had enough and told her that she could go and take the kids with her back to her home town,(something that's 100% against everything I believe in and have been saying) I told her that if she honestly felt that there was no chance of any reconcilliation ever in the future that I could not stand the pain of looking into the kids eyes day after day and seeing her. I told her that I would sign over all parental rights and she could take the kids and do whatever she desired. She sat in complete silence with only the odd "you're not serious" and "you're just angry".I persisted with this insanity, even packing a bag...WHAT AN IDIOT.
Long story short I did not leave. I love my kids, I love my W. I was angry.
_________________________ Me 42, Her 34 M 3yrs, T 8yrs D 5 S 3 S 2 ILYBINILWY 02/09 Sleeping in same bed/no intimacy
