I really dont know what to say at this point. Ok, yes I do. I think you are so needy that you "screw up" on purpose. Since your W wont give you the time of day, you come here and tell us how you screw up just to get *any* sort of attention even if its not positive attention.
Either that, or you are just that arrogant that you think somehow that out of all the hundreds of thousands of people that are dumped each year that you will be the one to reconcile "your way" and not use the experience of countless people, therapists and counselors that have been down this road.
Which one is it? Or, do you just not comprehend? Sometimes it seems like you are mocking us by not reading the posts and then answering with some random stuff about your day or how you ate pizza.
W: off to lunch now Kevin: K Kevin: D7 had things on her mind last night W: like? Kevin: She told me that she told you that I am lonely when they are not there and you told her that I stay plenty busy during the week Kevin: Not sure where she got that from as I have never said that Kevin: Then she asked me if I miss you Kevin: I said yes I do W: ok. good to know. Kevin: Then she was quiet and went to sleep W: alright Kevin: Just thought it was interesting W: yes. she worries about you and grandpa being lonely. Kevin: She has a huge heart W: yes she does
Your W said she had to go (off to lunch now) yet you kept trying to keep the conversation going. This is pursuit and its not attractive at all. You manipuluated her to keep the conversation going by bringing up your kids. Do you think an IM conversation when she already said she had to go about your kids is the appropriate forum? As you can see, your W could care less you miss her yet you decided to tell her again. More pursuit. Ugly.
W: so i have something to do this afternoon. will you be ok with pulling into the alley at mom's beside the front door and just calling sember to have them come out? not going to the front door? W: i've still got to clear it with mom Kevin: I'm not the one with the issue. I will pick them up where ever W: alright. i'll ask mom. it would help me out not to have to go home Kevin: Ok. Going to happy hour? W: nope. friend teaching me to shoot a rifle. Kevin: Wow. That's cool Kevin: I hope you enjoy W: yeah. i'm pretty excited. but he has someplace he needs to be with his pals at 6 or 7. so we have to do it early Kevin: Very cool
She told you she had something to do and left if that. But you kept pushing and asked about happy hour. If she wanted you to know where she was going she would have told you right from the start. This is what we are saying when we say "create mystery". Your W did just that but you kept pushing to see where she was going. Pursuit, clingy, nosey and unattractive.
Kevin: Is your mom ever going to get past this. I mean this is to the point of ridiculousness Kevin: It is what it is Kevin: Is your day going well? W: just give it time. believe me. i find it just as ridiculous. if not more so. its been a complete pain in my rear. W: day is going fine. thanks W: mom doesn't want you coming over. you have really screwed me over with the crap you've pulled with her. every freaking day this week i've had to cancel plans to do this. leave work early. everything. W: i'm trying to see if she'll bring the kids to the house. lock them in at 4:45. and you get them by 5 W: if you see her car in the driveway. don't pull up until after she leaves. W: yes she is being unreasonable. but you know what... you pulled some crap. and now i'm dealing with the consequences. Kevin: I wish she would grow up. W: i wish you would have been a little more mindful of screwing things up with her while i was gone Kevin: I wish I would have to. I wish she would let me apologize to her. Geez. This is being taken to new levels with her. Kevin: I'm sorry, but I don't believe anything I did warrants this especially when I am willing to apologize and make sure it never happens again W: yeah, well i dont give a crap about how either of you feel. i'm just tired of being caught in the middle. W: its not just this... it was this after the culmination of MANY things you have done, Kevin. Kevin: I agree. If she would let me talk to her I would make amends W: i've got a meeting. i'll let you know what arrangements I've made W: she doesn't care. W: you have never been good about giving people their space and letting them calm down on their time, not yours. W: you need to work on that Kevin: I am giving her space. I have respected everything she has asked W: yesterday, you should have stayed in the backyard while she dropped off the kids. i got an earful. and then hung up on Kevin: No. There is no reason for her to act that way and I am an adult coming out to see my kids. I am not going to hide away like a child who is being punished by an unruley lady. W: well thanks. i appreciate your consideration of the fact that i'm stuck between you two juveniles. Kevin: First. I am not a juve. But cmon. You seriously expect me to hide away from your mom when it comes to my kids? W: for 2 freaking mins you couldn't just give her space? W: seriously? Kevin: I didn't realize yesterday was an issue W: yes, i know Kevin: But if it will make you happy, then I will be more than happy to accomodate. Although I am becoming tired of being excluded from everyone else and family events because of her. Kevin: I don't do that to her or anyone else W: yes, kevin, i know W: can you look for the technisource insurance packet for me this weekend? W: i'll meet you at my house no later than 5. W: mom won't drop them off. W: right now... i truly dislike you both W: i didn't get to enjoy myself tues night. i had to deal with you and mom yesterday. and now today i have to cancel my plans Kevin: I'm not making you cancel your plans. I didn't set up this situation and I am willing to work with whatever arrangements you want. So there is no reason to be mad at me. The problem lies with your mom, not me W: ummm you created the problem. and tues night was you. Kevin: I made a small mistake like everyone else in the family has and your mom has blown it up to epic proportions W: i'm trying to work. see you at 5 Kevin: I'm willing to work with whatever arrangements you want so you don't have to miss your plans
Your W gave you TONS of info here and you should have accepted it as a gift, instead you kept pushing and prodding her AND bashing her mom. Your W told you what you have to work on in a very point blank fashion - you need to learn to give people space and stop pushing them to do things they are not ready to do. Instead of stopping there you kept on going though. Now your W feels trapped between you and her mom (terrible feeling I am sure). Yes, her mom might be a real b*tch but you cant change that so why not start being on your W's side with this? You point out all her moms faults (again, you cant change or control them so why bother?). Your W is telling you she does not like this either but you keep on harping. Again, needy, clingy and pursuit AND she keeps telling you she has to go but you keep talking on IM (not appropriate for this type of conversation).
W: there's nothing to be done. see you at the house at 5Kevin: Well... Do you want to go to dinner with me and the kids then? W: no thank you Kevin: Ok Kevin: Look. I'm not trying to cause anything with your mom. I'm trying to stay out of her way. I didn't think tuesday. I apologize for that. Believe me. I don't want issues between you and me and anyone else. So whatever I can do to aleviate that, I will W: i'm good. just let me calm down. see you at 5
Again, for now she is telling you that nothing can be done but you keep on talking. She says she doesnt like you right now and she needs to calm down but you still pressure and pursue her to come over for dinner. Does that make any sense? She is basically screaming to you that she needs space from you and the situation with you and her mom yet you keep on pushing.
Help me understand what you thought you would accomplish here? Can you imagine how smothered your W must feel? She cant even work, go to lunch at work, get her work done or go to a work meeting without being pestered by you (asking questions, talking about the kids, bringing up the terrible situation with her mom and pursuing her to come to dinner). Do you think any of THAT was attractive to her?
This is a woman that didnt even want you to be in YOUR house and wouldnt allow it unless it served her (free babysitting and house cleaner) yet you somehow think she wants to come to dinner at your house?
Get counseling and get counseling for your kids. All three of you need it. I dont know what else to say or do. I really dont. You bragged about the gift of the D not going through then you pissed all over the gift. I dont get it. I wish I did but I dont. Your W has given you so much golden info but you ignore it all and keep to your own agenda that does not work, has not worked and wont work. EVER. You are not unique as a LBS. Your W will not see things your way.
