Divorce looming #14

[K4D]

25,

And you hide the "REAL" stuff you did in the past or that just happened (TUES??) and you are deliberatly misleading about how you are with your w and kids...or the c or the legal sitch, and let your fears steer all you do, and you do not, will not, cannot understand the underlying THEME of our posts.

I explained Tuesday a few posts back. I had taken a full xanax pill and it made me drowsy and fall asleep. D11 had trouble waking me up and called MIL who then called W. This interupted W's plans and W showed up at my door as I woke up. This is how I managed to ruin W's night Tuesday night.

Thursday MIL showed up at the house at the same time W did and I had just arrived and came out to greet the kids while MIL was there getting the kids stuff out of the car.

I'm not sure what I am leaving out or how I am misleading how I am with my W or kids. I posted the list of things my W said that I did wrong in this M.

I did call on the free C and I did go see a L in person.

you'll use your "alone/lonely" time to fill EITHER GAL, or continue to fill it with things YOU actually SEE as "Filler time" between when you'll see your w and d's again. That's NOT GAL. And you still are not bringing anything to the table for your w, so of course she is not interested...

You are right in that I have been using filler time instead of GAL. Guess I'm not sure what interests me enough to GAL. I look forward to my kids every week. But you are right, one day they will be gone and then it will be just me. And what will that be like? I can't imagine good. Maybe I am not quite understanding what it means to GAL. I look for things to do during the week to pass the time.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to bring to the table either for W other than be strong and confident. If getting a life isn't finding things to do to keep myself busy during my off weeks, then what is it?

For you to talk about how to be interesting to your wife, at this point, and not see how sick and stupid that looks to us, well, it's sick AND/OR stupid of you.

You all have said I need to be interesting to her. I need to GAL life and that will make me more interesting to her.

I have no idea why she missed the deadline but if I were a betting woman, it is 99% likely that she missed the deadline for either no reason, or a reason that has NOTHING to do with reconciling. True, Might have bought you "legal" time, but so far that Opportunity to show her something, has only enabled you to worsen things and INVITE HER TO DINNER after the post I wrote to you last week about not inviting her, I am pretty sure you are not reading these posts or you have some sort of learning disability. I mean if you are going to totally ignore what ALL of us say, why not explain why? B/C there is no explanation? B/C YOU FORGOT what we said? I mean which is it? Do you give a cr^& about what we write here or do you just get so needy and weak that you bang your head into the wall again. Oh, and um, so much for the "hardcore dbing" you were going to do b/c God answered your prayers. You know, maybe God did answer that prayer and maybe he gave you a chance and so, in ONE day, you blew it again.

I guess I felt like we could enjoy some family time and maybe build on something. I guess I also felt a needy. I should have listened on that one. Sometimes I forget things that have been told to me. Sometimes I let my emotions over ride my better judgement.

Is there anyway to recover from this? I blew it yesterday. I admit that. I guess I have alot of trouble keeping her out of my mind. I always think about her. Sometimes it feels like I can start doing something and then she pops in my mind and I just lose strength and will power.

I know that nobody cares about my M anymore except me. But I do want my M back. I want to do whatever it takes to get it back. I want to bring something to the table for W. But I don't know what to bring to the table for W. And I am lonely without her. I miss her a great deal. I need to find happiness within myself. I have never been able to do that. I have always depended on her being by my side for my happiness.

I just want to recover from this mess I created and have a shot at winning her back.

Kevin