Hi Guys, thanks for the advice. I agree too. I just don't know why this is so hard for me to just move on. I've prayed and prayed for God to help me to get over this man. I can't stand feeling this way anymore. I just don't know when this feeling will end.

Today I'm not doing well at all. I feel so hopeless that this is all just a waste of my time. I actaully really think that H and I really will not get back together. I think from the outside looking in everyone sees it too. Like my sister said today she really doesn't know of any man that leaves and goes and lives with another woman and then returns. And really I don't know of any either. H has established a new life with these people whether I like it or not. He even told me that OW's daughter calls him daddy - that is some serious connection. I don't even know why I would even want him back. Sometimes its best to just count your loses. I mean lets be serious here - my H has a child with this woman, now is a step-father to her daughter, is taking care of tehm financially, and they are all dependent on him. OW doesn't drive or even have her license so H chaffeaur them everywhere. I even realized something, H has made arrangements for one of his younger cousin to pick up OW's daughter from school - and I'm sure H drops both children off to school and picks them up after school b/c my BIL tol me he saw H the other night at their aunts house picking up the little girl. Wow- that is some serious family bonds. I gotta admits this truly hurts after H and I were trying to hard to get pregnant and have a family. That is just so mean of him to just abandon me with no kids and go and create his family. I know I'm telling myself that all things work together for good and its good that I don't have any children with H because its easier to move on from him but this really hurts and I can't help myself or just make the hurt go away. Gosh I have been so good about not crying over this crap and now look at me.

I don't care whether moral or not I want to meet someone new and start my life over. I'm going to be 32 soon and if I keep this bullcrap up more years will go by and I will be left alone while H goes on with his family and have more kids with this little tramp. I really want to start dating and to start a new relationship. I think H gets so much of my attention since I don't have anyone else to focus on. Someone to make me feel special who will make decisions first based on what's good for me. I keep picturing that who knows years later I will be with my good husband and kids and H and OW will be miserable and their kids will not even have a good moral foundation to be good citizens. I not trying to wish bad on others but how could they hurt me so much when all I did was try to be a good peerson and a good wife to him. I never did anything wrong to him. I took care of him, provided a good home, and this is the thanks I get.

I can't even imagine H and I getting back together. How will he respect me put me first after treating me so lousy for so many years. How will get get over walking away from now from his son, OW, and her daughter, people who depend on him. I can see why H did leave - he always use to say that I don't need him - I make more money than H, went to college and grad school and am pretty independent. But I have never throw any of this in H face - God H has been the one supporting me to keep going on since I was in high school. Him being with me was the foundation for me to be strong. And I try to be such a humble person with everyone. But I think within him he was insecure with all this. Now with OW, he is completely needed. They are completely dependent on him to provide shelter, transportation, clothes, babysitting, everything. Why in the world would he come back to me alone who makes him feel like he hasn't accomplished enough. Funny thing is that H and I were going to start his business - he does video surveillance. But I know that's not going to happen now for him. It funny how people destroy all their blessings just to fill their egos. I truly feel that God was blessing H and I. We had made so many accomplishments at a young age. Both coming from poor families but were able to get two houses, cars, vacations all over. I guess none of that matters anymore, all material goods I guess that doesn't really mean anything.

Anyway, I vented enough. Just needed to let it all out. Thx for listening.