Hey, Sweetheart...so happy to see you posting this morning. Not sure what made me look because I rarely do anymore since none of us are left, but I did, and there you were...
I hate, hate, hate that your son is struggling and that this mess that your X has created for himself, and whatever of it he envisions has made his life better, has had the opposite impact on his son. That's pretty classic though; these MLC'ers fail to see the carnage they have wrought, all of the other people that suffer because of their selfishness. But that's the way it is with self-absorbed people; it's all about them...
I still see it in my own sitch, even though I am a step removed, and my son is my stepson, my X's son. But we are still very close and when he confides in me things his dad has done and continues to do, I hear the hurt in his voice. But fortunately and more often, I hear in him a conscience choice that his dad's life is not his, and that he can't control or stop his dad's bad decisions, but he can control the way they make him feel. And he chooses overall (at least I hope I am reading this right) not to let it bring him down or become mired in it. Of course, he's 30 and your boy much younger...but I pray that your son will learn that lesson over time too.
It's worked for me too, to finally just let go of dwelling on what he did and why and continues to do, forgive him and move on...easier done in my case, I know, because again, I don't have a child with him, and I don't have him in my face (in fact, he recently was forced to relocate across the country or lose his job altogether). Instead, I rarely think of him, or our life together. My life now is completely different and my fifteen years with him seems like a lifetime ago. I still pray for him every day, and hope that he manages to find his way out of the darkness, but that's in God's hands.
I'll pray for you and your son, take care of yourself, besos, BA
