The suggestion of the donation is to open his door to see what he will tell you, not whether he will do it or not. Sometimes you have to go around the situation in order to get the most direct answer from them. Listen to what he says and if you get the opportunity, watch the body language. Actions always speak louder than words when it comes to someone in crisis.
He's a very lost soul right now and his actions with the mail, sitting, etc., all indicate that. All you can do is leave him alone and when he seeks you out, be a friend, not the wife at this point, just a friend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
