Yes, I agree. I need to go back to being dark. It's better that way.
Originally Posted By: karen43
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I am fighting to keep a lid on it. Continually trying to remind myself that not only is she beyond hope, but she's not even worth my efforts, even if I could effect things, which I can't.
OK, this is maybe cheesy, but I think What Would Jesus Do? Would he say anyone is beyond hope or not worth our efforts? I pray for my H every day that he'll start to walk a better path and become happier and healthier. I do this b/c my kids will be better off, and it's the right thing to do I think. And it helps me release my anger taking this to the Lord. I ask him to help me with my anger and forgiveness and be more loving.
Not cheesy at all, Karen. You're right -- xW is not beyond all hope. I guess it was hyperbole on my part -- what I meant was that she is beyond hope for anything I might say or do. I have to remind myself that it has been proven time and again that she will take everything I say or do wrong. She chooses to see only the worst in anything I say or do.
And, again, for my sake, she is not worth my efforts. She has succeeded in totally destroying any chance we might ever have had at even a cordially friendly relationship. She has made it clear she will not have it, and there is nothing I can do about any degree of reconciliation. Even a lukewarm detente seems out of the question.
Miracles do happen, yes. Bridges sometimes do get rebuilt even after being totally razed to the ground, but realistically, no, I can't pin my hopes on that ever happening, not really. As insane and inconceivable as it seems to me, the woman who once swore undying love for me has now chosen to be my arch-enemy. I have to accept the hard facts and move on with my life.
As such I have to remember to give this over to God. I need to do the one thing left for me which is to continue pray for her, which I do.
Jesus did tell us to pray for our enemies. I just never dreamed that xW ever would become that enemy He speaks of.
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I'm glad; I need to do that too and gear up for mediation! Mine's the 29th when's yours?
We are scheduled for a "Custody/Visitation Orientation" session this Thursday, June 11. The suit was filed just a week ago, on the 28th. That was pretty fast. The actual custody hearing is scheduled for August 15 -- I'm not sure if that is when the actual mediation order is handed out or if that is the post-mediation hearing. I'm not sure yet -- I have a meeting wth my atty. on Monday, so I'll find out then.
